


Baby Winchester

by Impala_Cherry_Trickster



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Awesome Rowena MacLeod, Curses, De-Aged Sam Winchester, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Sam Winchester, Insecure Sam Winchester, M/M, Nightmares, Past Rape/Non-con, Protective Dean Winchester, Protective Gabriel, Protective Lucifer, Psychic Sam Winchester, Self-Harm, Smut, Suicide Attempt, Witches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2020-02-09 08:35:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 26,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18634594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Impala_Cherry_Trickster/pseuds/Impala_Cherry_Trickster
Summary: When Sam jumps in front of a curse meant for Castiel, he finds himself stuck at the age of 4. Castiel takes Baby Sam back to the Bunker, where the group work on the reversal. Dean learns a lot about Sam in the process.





	1. The Curse

Dean Winchester knew the second that his brother’s caller ID appeared on his phone that something was wrong. Some called it intuition, he called it knowing his brother was a danger-magnet. Dean had come down with a bad case of the flu, too ill to go on the case that Sam had found last week. He had insisted that Dean stay in the Bunker, Mary with him, to make sure he got better. Dean, being the older of the two, argued that his little brother needed assistance.

Truth be told, Dean just didn’t like the idea of being holed up in the Bunker while his brother went hunting witches. It was bad enough that his Mom would be staying with him, but two Archangels were currently living in the Bunker, and now all three of them would see Dean weak. After everything they’d been through, removing Lucifer’s corrupt Grace so that the Archangel went back to being good was the oddest. Plus, Dean wasn’t entirely sure he liked the fact that the two Archangels seemed to both be flirting with Sam.

Then there was his idiotic brother, who had a habit of forgiving everyone but himself. Lucifer had been forgiven as soon as they’d removed the corrupt Grace, despite the fact that Sam had been tortured for just under 200 years. Lucifer seemed to be trying to make it up to him, but Dean didn’t like it. Then there was Gabriel, who had made Sam live in fricking Tuesday Land. Yet, Sam had forgiven the Archangel for that as well. His brother was too kind sometimes, and Dean knew it would eventually get him killed. Again.

Mom hadn’t been around for long. When Lucifer and Gabriel had managed to get Amara to sit down with Chuck, Mary had been the gift. Two months later, she was settling into Bunker life. She had a soft spot for the Angels, and wasn’t judging of the fact that Dean was dating Cas. It had happened by accident, Dean ranting one night about how the end of the world was coming and Sammy was going to die and he was going to lose everything and then he’d leant forwards and pressed his lips against the Seraph’s.

Cas was his family, hence why he’d sent the Angel with his brother to work the case. A week after they had left, Dean was up and about, the flu mostly gone. Lucifer and Gabriel tended not to annoy Dean when Sam wasn’t around, the younger Winchester was good at diffusing tension in the Bunker. Sometimes it seemed like Dean was the only one who disliked the Archangels, even Bobby found them useful. Charlie would spend hours braiding Gabriel’s hair, which was funny to watch, Dean supposed.

So, anyway. When his brother’s called ID came up on the phone one week after they’d left to deal with the Witch case, Dean knew something must have gone wrong. He grabbed the phone, a scowl already forming on his face as he stared down at the pancakes he probably wouldn’t get to eat now.

‘Sammy?’ Dammit, if that kid had got himself killed, Dean would personally resurrect him and kill him again.

‘Dean.’ The gravelly voice of his boyfriend rang through the phone, and it had different emotions swirling through him. One, Cas was fine, and that was good. Two, if Cas was using Sam’s phone, something was probably wrong with his brother.

‘Dammit, what happened?’

‘It was a curse, Sam jumped in front of the hit. The witch got away, I’m sorry Dean.’ The Witch needed to die to reverse whatever curse the bitch had put on Sam. Also, why did his brother have to be a self-sacrificing idiot?

‘What kind of curse?’ Silence on the other end of the phone, which surprised Dean. Cas wasn’t known for being… careful with his words.

‘We’ll be back in a couple of hours. We’ll find the witch then.’ Cas hung up the phone, Dean swearing liberally at the avoidance of the issue. If there was so much as a scratch on his little brother’s head, the Witch was going to suffer.

‘What’s wrong?’ His Mom came running into the library, two Archangels close on her heels. Dean narrowly avoided throwing the phone across the room, slumping down into the chair.

‘Sam got hit by a curse, they’re on their way back. The Witch got away.’ Dean pretended not to notice the murderous expression crossing the Angel’s faces, knowing that even if Dean didn’t like them, they would protect his baby brother. Dammit, Dean should have been on that case! He would have stopped Sam doing something stupid, like jumping in front of a curse meant for Dean’s boyfriend.

‘Is he hurt?’ Mary asked, the motherly expression crossing her face. Dean knew it was hard for her, coming back with both her sons fully grown, 30 and 34 years old. It didn’t mean she didn’t care, hell, Dean had hoped Sam would open up to their Mom. No such luck, not yet anyway.

‘I don’t know, but Cas didn’t sound worried. We need to find the Witch.’ Dean had the files, Sam having given them to him before he left. Sam always kept him updated on cases when he went solo, except from the times when Dean had sent Sam away.

Two hours spent researching the case that Sam had Castiel had gone hunting left him exhausted. It didn’t seem to fit many patterns, just that whoever this Witch was, she was strong. For the slightest of seconds, he considered calling Rowena to help him, before remembering that he didn’t like her. Plus, without Sam here to sweet-talk, the Witch-Bitch was usually hard to comply. Reluctantly, Dean headed down towards the TV room, knowing the two Archangels would be there. They might be able to help him, even though Dean had kicked them out of the library when he had started researching.

He opened the door, not surprised to find The Titanic playing on the TV, Gabriel sprawled out on the floor eating popcorn. For a low-powered Archangel, he sure did have enough Grace to snap up sugary snacks all the time. Lucifer rose his head, icy blue eyes that were oddly like Cas’s meeting his.

‘I need help.’ He blurted, hating saying the words. Lucifer shrugged, standing up. One thing Dean had learnt about the former Devil was that he didn’t actually want to get into conflicts. His playful side only came out when Sam was around, and he didn’t mock Dean if Sam wasn’t there. Gabriel, however, still seemed to embrace the Trickster half of him. The whiskey-eyed Angel rolled to his feet dramatically, bowing low.

‘I can see that.’ He quipped, Dean really wanting to stab the stupid dick with an Angel Blade, but resisting the idea due to the fact he needed them. Back in the library, Mary was still working on the different types of Witch curses. Dean showed the two brothers what he had learnt about the Witch so far, the two listening carefully as he explained.

The door to the Bunker opened, heavy footsteps of the Seraph ringing out.

‘We’re in here, Cas.’ Dean called out, putting the book down and waiting for his brother and boyfriend. Cas appeared, looking nervous as he stood in the doorway. Dean felt his heart seize up, but he kept the smile plastered to his face as he asked,

‘Where’s Sammy, Cas?’ Castiel opened his mouth to answer, but was beaten to it by a tiny voice.

‘De?’ A child stepped out from behind Castiel, tiny brown eyes looking straight at Dean. The elder brother froze, staring at the chubby hands that reached out as he stared running towards him.

‘De!’

‘Hey, Sammy.’


	2. Sammy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam meets his big brother Dean.

When Sam had fallen asleep, he had been curled up next to Dean in the motel room, crying because Daddy wasn’t back. His dad had said some mean stuff, and four-year-old Sammy wasn’t sure why his dad hated him so much. Dean had been there, tucking him in and singing softly, assuring him that it wasn’t his fault.

When Sam had woken up, he was lying on carpet. A man was standing over him, tall with a harsh expression, blue eyes staring at him. Sam had done the best thing he thought he could do, roll away and scamper to the wall, calling out for his brother. The man looked concerned, glancing out of the nice room. Sam followed his gaze, seeing a kitchen with a bowl on it and what looked like blood. The man in the long coat had a sharp stick in his hand, and Sam wasn’t sure what he was going to do with it.

‘Sam?’ So the weird man knew his name, but Dean had taught him never to talk to strangers. Sam felt his chest tighten, it did so whenever Dean left him, and his big brother had told him it was just something called anxiety. Sam didn’t know what that was, but he trusted his brother. The man stepped forward, and Sam looked around frantically, trying to figure out where his brother might be.

‘Sam, it’s okay. I… My name is Castiel. I know your brother, Dean.’ The word reassured the four-year-old, who rushed forwards at the prospect of someone knowing his brother, wrapping his arms around the large man. He couldn’t reach his tummy, so had to settle for hugging the legs, but the man patted his head like Dean did, although he didn’t play with his hair.

‘Where’s De?’ Sammy inquired, hoping his brother was here. When the man, Cas-tee-el, told him his brother was at the Bunker, Sam didn’t understand. He followed the man loyally, especially when he saw the Impala. The man had to know his family if he had the Impala!

‘I’m going to call Dean, okay?’ The man stated, and Sam wondered if he should point out that he wasn’t allowed to sit in the Passenger seat. He didn’t, nor did he point out that his brother has a phone. Sam sat quietly, listening to the music on the radio as the man called Cas-tee-el drove, his chubby fingers playing with the jumper that belonged to his big brother.

‘Sam, I think you should know… Dean is big.’ Sam knew that, his brother was incredible. He saved him from the bad monsters under the bed, and looked after him when Daddy was mad, and kept him warm and fed. He loved his big brother.

‘He’s my big brother.’ He struggled with the th sound still, but Dean had told him that was okay, that it was the gap in his teeth that caused that. The man looked down to him, the blue eyes showing concern.

‘I mean, he’s big like me. An adult.’ Sam understood the words, but couldn’t figure out how his brother was tall, and he was still stuck being tiny. Dean had promised he would grow, and now he had gone and got big without him! Sam tried to stop the tears, Daddy always got so mad when Sam started crying, but the blue-eyed man just seemed worried. A hand rested on his thigh, squeezing slightly.

‘It’s alright, Sam. Dean still… loves you.’ He didn’t like the pause, but the knowledge that Dean still cared settled the young Winchester, who was looking forward to seeing his brother. He wanted to ask why he had become an adult so suddenly, was it because he was always looking after Sam? The youngest Winchester played with the hem of the hoodie, before he decided the best thing to do was to have a nap.

Castiel woke him up, explaining that they had arrived. Sam slid from the seat, watching his shoes get covered in mud. He paused, Daddy wouldn’t be very happy that he wasn’t taking good care of his stuff. Wrapping a hand into the coat of the tall man, Sam stayed close as they walked into the weird building. The blue-eyed man allowed him to stay right behind him, descending a flight of stairs with difficulty considering Sam’s small legs.

‘We’re in here, Cas.’ Sam heard the voice, and something prickled inside him. Was that adult Dean? He sounded like Daddy, but in a weird sort of way. He knew he’d recognise Dean, even as an adult, because De had the brightest eyes. They were always so clear, they calmed Sam down when he got stressed. Cas, the tall man, walked forwards, Sam following loyally.

‘Where’s Sammy, Cas?’ Definitely his brother, he was the only one to call him Sammy, apart from Dad. Sam took a chance, peeking out from around the coat and looking to the group of people.

‘De?’ His voice was more timid than he would like, his brother always told him he had to be strong and confident around people, but Sam was scared. He wanted to be big like his brother. It was the eyes that he found, the man standing tall had the same bright green eyes. Sam grinned, stretching his arms out as he forced his legs to move fast.

‘De!’ Dean crouched down, Sam worried about the look of shock on his brother’s face, but he didn’t think too much of it.

‘Hey, Sammy.’ Sam buried his face into his brother’s neck, surprised by the smell. It was like Dean, like home, but it smelt more complex now. Sam wrapped chubby fingers into his brother’s shirt, annoyed that he was so small, especially when Dean stood back up. Sam bit his lip, determined not to cry, as his brother looked to the blue-eyed man.

‘What happened?’ Dean’s voice was hard, like the one Daddy used when he was angry, and Sam tensed. He kept a hand wrapped around Dean’s leg, hoping his brother would explain when he would get big.

‘I don’t know, the curse… He doesn’t recognise me.’ Of course, why would Sam recognise the man? He only really knew two adults, his Daddy and Uncle, but neither were here right now. Dean, he supposed, was his new adult.

‘Sam, hey, what do you remember?’ Dean questioned, arms reaching for Sam. He grinned, allowing his brother to scoop him up and sit him on the table. There were more people in the room, a woman with blonde curls who was almost crying, and two men that were staring at him. They had funny glowing bits around them, and when he concentrated, the blue-eyed man did too. Were they monsters? No, Dean would have told him.

‘I woke up on the carpet, and met Cas-tee-el.’ He pronounced it slowly, trying to get all the sounds like the blue-eyed man had said. His brother kept hold of his hand, well, Sam kept his fingers wrapped around two of Dean’s. His brother’s hand was rough, but he wasn’t complaining.

‘What abut before that, buddy?’ Dean’s green eyes bore into his, and Sam wondered if he’d annoyed his brother. Sam concentrated hard, thinking back to the evening before.

‘We were in the motel, and I was sad, and you were singing. And small, you were small like me. You gave me your jumper!’ Sam wriggled happily, showing Dean the jumper he had given Sam, but Dean had turned away from him and was talking to Cas. Sam couldn’t get down, Dean had walked too far away, and it was a long way down. He wanted to be big like De!

‘Would you like to get down?’ The woman asked, her blue eyes calm as she smiled. He decided he liked her, nodding happily as she lifted him off the table, and he hugged her legs in thanks.

‘Thank you, Ma’am.’ He said it like his brother did when they went into Gas stations, adding the smile that Dean did. He was worried the woman wouldn’t like his crooked teeth, but she beamed.

‘Call me Mary.’ He vaguely thought he should know that name, but he agreed. He liked Mary.


	3. Shower Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean Mother-hens over Sam

Dean didn’t know what to do. His baby brother was sitting at the table, stuffing his face with pancakes. Dean remembers, vaguely, a young Sammy who got nightmares and anxiety and crawled next to Dean, and how Dean would give him hoodies. Dean remembers the Sam that was stuck to his side, desperately trying to be like him.

‘What did Rowena say?’ He asked again, not really listening to the conversation as he watched his baby brother and those chubby fingers, syrup everywhere. It made him smile, Sam had been a cute kid.

‘She’ll be here tomorrow. For now, we keep Sam safe.’ Castiel stated, his boyfriend holding Dean’s hand. Sam had seen them do it, and looked confused, but hadn’t said anything. Gabriel and Lucifer had explained that Sam was swimming in dark magic, it really wasn’t a good idea for them to try and tamper with it. Mary was watching Sam, pure love in her eyes.

‘He seems attached to you, Dean.’ She commented, probably because Dean rarely mentioned their childhood. What could he say, that the man that his Mom had married wasn’t a great dad? That he’s got angry quickly, especially with Sammy?

‘Yeah.’ Dean bluntly said, watching his brother yawn, hands and face and hair sticky. He grinned at Dean, the toothy grin with the massive gap in the middle. His heart constricted tightly as he watched it, smiling at the sight of an uncorrupted Sammy.

‘Right, shower time, little guy.’ Dean stated, dropping Cas’s hand. Sam had always hated shower time, so he wasn’t surprised when the little guy took a dive off the chair, and started running away from Dean frantically, small legs pumping as he ran.

‘NO! No showers!’ Dean swore under his breath, following the small Sam into the library, the group following behind him. Sam was too short to get away, and got tired pretty quickly, looking back to Dean.

‘You’re all sticky, Sammy. Come on, we don’t want to make a mess.’ Dean regretted saying it, his brother’s face fell instantly, and Dean kicked himself mentally as he remembered that was what he used to say to get Sam to listen to stop Dad getting angry. Sam’s bottom lip stuck out, wobbling slightly as he walked to Dean, head hanging low. Dean ignored the urge to cheer his brother up, instead opting for lifting him and carrying him towards the bathroom.

Cleaning Sam was difficult. The kid was fine in the shower, although he needed help unclipping the soap, naturally going for the strawberry one. Dean smiled, Sam and his love for expensive shampoos never changed. The kid lathered his hair up while Dean thought about clothes. Calling for Cas, he met him out in the corridor, looking to the powered down Seraph.

‘Can you shrink clothes?’ Castiel got the hint, returning with one of Sam’s shirts and a pair of boxers, both shrunk down. Dean thanked him, returning to the bathroom to see Sammy attempting to dry his hair, small feet turning as he walked round in circles, evidently dizzy. Taking pity on his younger brother, Dean helped dry the fuzzy hair, before offering out the clothes.

‘Okay, you go to the toilet and get dressed, I’m going to sort out your room.’ Dean hesitantly left his little brother, walking to Sam’s room. There were way too many sharp objects, and the bed was too big, and… Stop, Dean. He cleaned away most of the stuff, hiding the photos of the family before looking around. His brother would be fine, he could manage with this. And Dean wasn’t that far away.

He returned to hear the toilet flushing, Sam sticking his head out of the bathroom with a toothbrush that wasn’t his sticking out of his mouth. The shirt fit nicely, as did the boxers, and Dean helped his brother clean his teeth, the kid resting on his hip as Dean stared into the mirror, not quite getting over how odd this was. He set him down, before grabbing the clothes. He could wash them and have them clean for the morning, he figured.

‘The guys are in the main room, you go and sit with them while I put these on to wash.’ Sam followed his instructions, Dean watching his baby brother pad away down the corridor. He put the clothes on to wash, before walking to the library. Castiel and Mary were standing by the door, looking up as Dean walked in. He blinked in surprise, his brother was sitting on Lucifer’s lap, the Archangel reading him a book that appeared to be in Enochian.

Dean didn’t complain, sitting down in the comfy chairs near Gabriel, who was watching his brother carefully. Mary and Cas joined, Sam looking fascinated at the story Lucifer was telling about the Garden in Heaven. It was about ten minutes into the story of Heaven’s garden, rich in anything the mind could want, that Sam spoke up.

‘No.’ Sam stated, shaking his head. Lucifer looked down, his face contorting in confusion.

‘That says paradise, not heaven.’ He pointed to the book, and Dean froze. Enochian. The book was in Enochian, and his four-year-old brother had just corrected Lucifer. The Archangel smiled softly, stroking hair from Sam’s face.

‘It can be translated either way, Heaven could be seen as paradise.’ He provided, and Sam seemed comforted by that. He curled back against the Archangel, allowing the story to continue.

‘It is possible that he retains some of what his old mind remembers.’ Castiel stated, looking to the two. Gabriel nodded as well, but Dean was concerned.

‘I didn’t even know he could speak Enochian.’ Castiel hesitated, looking to Mary briefly as he opened his mouth. He didn’t need to, Lucifer looked up.

‘I taught him in the Cage.’

‘What’s the Cage?’ Sam inquired, looking up to Lucifer. The archangel booped his brother on the nose, Sam squealing and wriggling happily. Sam relaxed again, pretty quickly falling asleep against the Archangel, as he continued the story.

‘Rowena will find a reversal, or we will kill the witch that did this.’ Castiel said confidently, Dean admittedly getting lost in the blue of his eyes. It was broken when Mom agreed, smiling at Sam, who was curled up against Lucifer. He seemed unbothered by him, catching Dean’s gaze as he looked up. Lucifer shrugged, gesturing to Gabriel and then to Cas.

‘I used to do the same to the fledglings. I’ve had worse than Sam.’ He chuckled, Gabriel going red, evidently a story behind that. Dean didn’t ask, standing up and taking his brother from the Devil, carrying him to his room. He tucked him in, wrapping the blanket around his tiny body. Pressing a kiss to his forehead, Dean smiled slightly.

‘Sleep well, Sammy.’ The boy smiled in his sleep, instinctively rolling across to face Dean, who took one last look at his baby brother before leaving the room, not quite shutting the door.


	4. Witchcraft

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sammy meets Rowena, and Dean isn't impressed

Sam had woken up in the night needing to pee, which was hard considering his height. When he woke up again, he looked at the clock. He didn’t know how to tell the time, but Dean was normally awake by the number seven, so Sam decided it was appropriate for him to be awake as well. He didn’t have any trousers, so still in his sleep clothes, he left the room. He didn’t really know where to go, and so walked towards the main room.

It was empty, until he heard the door opening. He figured it must either be one of the friendly people, or potentially the person, Row-ee-na, that they kept talking about. When a woman came walking down the steps, one with bright red hair, he figured this must be the new woman. He crept closer, smiling awkwardly when she spotted him.

‘Hello, sweetie.’ She cooed, her voice warmly inviting. Sam beamed, offering a wave as he walked forwards, nervous about the tall woman.

‘I’m Sam.’ He offered, and the woman smiled, eyes lighting up as he spoke. He vaguely seemed to recognise her, although he wasn’t sure why. She seemed to glow slightly, not like the guys that spoke of heaven, but with something else.

‘I’m Rowena.’ He looked around, not quite sure what he was supposed to do. Rowena smiled, offering out a hand with red nails. He hesitated, looking to the woman who smiled.

‘How about some breakfast, Samuel?’ He wasn’t sure if he liked the name, but he accepted the offered hand, following the woman to the kitchen. She put down the case she had carried in, lifting Sam up onto the side as she started pulling out pans.

‘How about an omelette?’ Sam didn’t know what that was, and Rowena seemed to know that, because she ran a nailed finger along his cheek, a smile blossoming on her face. Sam returned it, liking this woman already.

‘Don’t worry, sweetheart. You’ll enjoy it.’ She promised, and he watched as she cooked. Peppers were chopped, and she even let him try the red ones, Sam giggling happily every time she snuck him food. She smiled back, laughing slightly when Sam tried to steal a piece of pepper without her noticing. She wasn’t like Daddy, she didn’t get mad when he attempted to take food.

‘I bet you must be thirsty.’ She walked to the fridge, Sam nodding excitedly as she pulled out some apple juice. The glass was poured, and Sam looked nervous as she handed it to him. He tried to stop his shaking hands, but Rowena noticed, and placed her large ones over his.

‘What’s wrong, Samuel?’ He blinked back tears, putting the glass down before throwing his arms around the woman. She seemed surprised, but hugged him back anyway, pressing a kiss to his forehead as he pulled away.

‘Daddy never lets me have glasses. He gets mad if I drop them.’ He hated the way his lip stuck out, threatening to expose just how upset he was. The woman gave a small smile, lifting the glass back up.

‘I won’t be mad, Samuel. Drink.’ He did as told, trying to keep a good grip on the glass. Rowena plated up his food, helping him sit on the chair and cutting up the food for him. He tucked in, moaning slightly at the taste. As much as he loved his brother, he did think the food he cooked was a bit gross. He never said anything, always eating it. Rowena sat opposite him, sipping on a mug of hot stuff, before cleaning his hands once he was done.

‘Why is Dean big?’ He hadn’t asked anyone, scared that they would tell him it was because he was grown-up and Sam wasn’t. Rowena looked down, before looking to the case.

‘Well, that’s why I’m here, Samuel. To make you big.’ He beamed, looking to the case the woman was watching, and asked,

‘Can you show me?’

The library was his favourite place, although some of the words were too big for him to understand. When he became a tall person, Sam knew that he would understand the words. He sat on Rowena’s lap, the woman showing him something called a “spell-book”. Witches, the things he saw on TV, were real. That was odd, what was even more odd was that they didn’t have broomsticks. This book was full of spells, and apparently that was what they were going to do to him. A spell.

‘I haven’t got all the ingredients, not yet, but I will have soon…’

‘SAM!’ Dean came running it, pausing when he saw Sam. His big brother looked worried, before his face turned to anger. Sam had told Rowena that he didn’t like it when Big Dean got angry, he reminded him of his daddy. Rowena had told him that Dean didn’t mean to be angry, he just was protective. Like now, Sam supposed, his brother’s hand clamping round his wrist and dragging him off the lap of the friendly woman.

He noted how his friend Luci was here, as was Gabe-ree-l. Cas had followed Dean, and Mary had appeared when Dean had shouted his name. Rowena didn’t move from the chair, although she put the spell book down.

‘What the hell were you thinking, running off like that?!’ Dean shouted, his eyes glaring. Sam felt his chest tighten, the anxiety Dean had told him about threatening to burst. Rowena had listened when he’d said that word, although it had taken him a couple of attempts. She’d also said there was nothing wrong with it, but right now, with Sam threatening to cry, he didn’t think that was true.

When his Daddy got mad, he got as far away as possible. But this was De? Was he supposed to stay close, or run? He tried not to cry, biting harder on his lip as his brother held his wrist painfully tight. Eventually, the pressure was gone, Rowena having shoved Dean back. He couldn’t hear what she was saying, but the woman crouched down gently, her thumb pulling Sam’s bleeding lip out from between his teeth.

‘Now, Samuel. Calm down.’ She took his hand, and he clutched tightly, feeling the pressure in his tummy release. He smiled softly at the woman, who ruffled his hair affectionately. When she stood back up, he made sure to keep hold of the dress.

‘I cooked him breakfast, and told him we were going to make him big. Nothing more, Winchester.’ She snapped, keeping the hand running through Sam’s hair. His brother’s expression softened, and he crouched down to Sam’s height. He hesitated, not wanting to run forwards yet, even though this was Dean.

‘I’m sorry I shouted, Sammy.’ He sounded sincere, and Daddy never apologised, so Sam had to trust that the man was right.

‘You sounded like Daddy.’ He stated, trying to fight tears. Dean flinched, before offering out his arms.

‘No, Sammy. Nothing like him.’ Sam trusted that, wobbling into his brother’s arms. He relaxed, allowing himself to be scooped up, breathing in happily.

‘I need to gather equipment. Perhaps someone should entertain Sam for the day while we work.’

‘I’ve already called Bobby and Charlie.’ Uncle Bobby? Sam didn’t want to get his hopes up, so stayed quiet. He trusted Dean.


	5. Awkward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a filler, except from the ending. Sexy times between Cas and Dean go wrong

Dean had spent that day collecting ingredients, and the day after that. It was getting late, and Sam was back in his usual spot, curled up next to Rowena on the couch. It was either her, Lucifer or Gabriel usually. Dean tried not to be worried by how much Rowena was teaching him out of the spell-book, but he didn’t trust the red-head.

Speaking of red-heads. The Bunker opened, a familiar voice calling down,

‘Hey bitches!’ He turned to Sammy, who looked confused, but he quickly became re-animated about whatever Rowena was showing him. Dean walked through to the war room, pulling Charlie in for a hug. She grinned, her head resting under his chin as she hugged him back. More feet joined the room, Bobby chuckling as he watched them.

‘Son, what’s this about a curse?’ Dean pulled away from Charlie, leading the two into the room. The Angels were all seated in the corner, and Dean noted how they were keeping a watchful eye over little Sammy, who looked up when Dean walked in.

‘Uncle Bobby!’ He scrambled out of Rowena’s lap, almost landing face first on the floor, before his small legs caught up and he flung himself at the old man. Bobby took it surprisingly well, patting Sam on the head as he greeted him.

‘Hey Sam, how’s it going?’ Sam stepped back, eyes wide with excitement. Dean felt like a proud mother, watching how happy his baby brother was as he spoke.

‘Bored of being small! Dean got big, and I’m going to as well!’ Bobby looked to Dean, and the elder Winchester shrugged. Mom came in, greeting Bobby with a hug, before Sam looked to Charlie, who looked thoroughly amused.

‘Sammy, this is Charlie. She’s… she’s our sister.’ He stated, waiting to see how his brother would take the news. The small eyes widened, turning to Dean with his mouth open.

‘Sister?’

‘Yeah, Sammy. Family.’ Sam hesitantly stepped forwards, before offering out his arms. Charlie squealed, scooping Sam up and setting him on her hip, her eyes filled with amusement and love. Sam smiled, pressing a kiss to her cheek like he did with Dean.

‘A curse?’ Bobby asked, taking a seat. Mary had done the same, Charlie reluctantly putting Sam down as she sat down. Dean took a seat, ready to explain.

‘Basically. We’re trying to reverse it, but it had two outcomes.’ Dean stated, watching as Sam climbed up onto Rowena’s lap, settling back against the Witch. She looked amused, her manicured hand coming to stroke the hair out of Sam’s face.

‘And they are?’ Charlie asked, probably wanting to ask why Dean was letting his brother so close to the Witch. Truth be told, Sam had been fonder of Rowena when he was normal size, he wasn’t surprised by his brother’s infatuation.

‘He goes back to his normal self. Or, he ages steadily. Jumps forwards, until he reaches his normal age.’ Dean was worried about the second one, teenage Sam wasn’t going to be good, but he didn’t point that out.

‘We’ll do the spell tomorrow.’ Rowena remarked, watching as Sam played with what looked like a cat’s skull. Dean tensed, the big brother in him wanting to get him the hell away from the Witch, but Sam looked happy.

‘Why do you not glow?’ Sam asked, putting the skull down and looking up towards Rowena. She looked confused, but didn’t stop stroking his hair.

‘What do you mean, Samuel?’ Sam hated that name, but it seemed like he didn’t hate it when it was coming from the Witch Bitch.

‘Like Luci and Cas and Gabe. They glow, you have odd swirly stuff.’ Dean shot a look to the Angels, all three of which looked highly concerned. Lucifer stepped forwards, crouching down slightly. He heard the two Angels behind gasp, but nothing seemed to change, so Dean didn’t see the issue. Sam’s eyes widened, stumbling back and gripping Rowena tightly.

‘You have wings!’ Sam stated, releasing the Witch to shuffle forwards. Lucifer looked back to his siblings, before looking to Sam.

‘Not many can see them, you must be special.’ Lucifer remarked, but he looked worried. Sam beamed, tapping Rowena’s arm and pointing to them. She shook her head, and he smiled even brighter. Dean watched Lucifer stand, walking back towards the chair.

‘Come on Sam, I’ll take you to get some food.’ He grinned, clinging on as Rowena walked from the room.

‘It’s possible that it’s a remnant from the Cage.’ Lucifer suggested, but he didn’t look like he believed it.

‘Why didn’t big Sam tell us?’ Charlie asked, and Dean shrugged. He didn’t know the answer to that.

 

Later, once he’s finished dinner and Rowena put his brother to bed, he’s back in his room. Castiel comes in, probably wanting to ask if he’s alright, but Dean doesn’t want that. Doesn’t want to talk, doesn’t want to have to think about Sam right now. His hands reach for the belt of Cas’s jeans, the ones Dean made him wear, and drags him forwards. Cas seems surprised, but he doesn’t deny Dean when the Winchester pressed his mouth against Cas’s. He hasn’t done this since Sam became small, and for once, Dean just wants to forget.

Cas’s hands tear at the shirt, Dean doing the same as they tumble back towards the bed. Clothes are thrown to different locations of the room, Cas gasping as Dean wastes no time wrapping his mouth around the Angel. The salty taste is pleasant, as is the sound coming from the Seraph’s mouth. Dean takes him in fully, nose buried to the tuft of hair at the base, before he works Cas over. The Angel writhes under him, until hands tug his hair and warn him to stop before it’s over too soon.

Dean reached across, grabbing the lube that was in his bedside drawer, kicking away the covers as he slicked his own fingers up. Cas lay under him, pupils widening as Dean stretched himself open, wanting nothing more than the burn of Cas filling him up. Two fingers is all he has time for before he’s slicking Cas up, straddling his boyfriend’s hips.

He rarely rides Cas, mostly because he likes being a bottom and having Cas set the pace. This time, Dean is the one that controls the pace, sinking down slowly as he groans. It’s like heaven, the burn, but even better when Dean rocks his hips enough for Castiel’s cock to brush against his prostate. He takes his time, groaning loudly as Cas starts to thrust up, meeting him in the middle.

Dean doesn’t hold back the sounds, his head tipping back as he enjoys the feeling, panting helplessly as he feels his orgasm building.

‘Yes, Cas… right there… oh.’ Cas is pounding harder, and Dean knows he wants to flip them over, but Dean needs this, and so the Angel allows it.

‘De?’ Dean almost swore, grabbing the pillow from the side of the bed and holding it over his leaking cock as he tries, and fails, to get off Cas. The Angel is just as bad, scrambling away and trying to grab the covers. Sam looked thoroughly confused, and it’s then that Dean remembered not only did he not lock the door, but he wasn’t exactly being quiet. Dean lands on the floor, cursing as his cock softens so hard that the blood rush has his head spinning.

‘Sam… dammit… wait!’ Sam is already leaving the room, little feet padding out quickly.


	6. Bye, Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sammy listens to his brother, who explains about the spell

Sam finds the two glowing guys in the library, and Rowena is with them. He stumbles through, embarrassed but he isn’t quite sure why. Dean was making the most awful sounds, and Sam thought he was in pain, but instead his brother was sitting on Cas? He didn’t know why, but he figured he wasn’t supposed to see, so he had run away pretty quickly.

‘What’s wrong, Sam?’ It is Gabriel that asks, looking concerned as Sam crawled up onto one of the chairs. Sam bit his lip, wondering if Dean would hit him like Daddy did when Sam woke up in the motel room and found Daddy calling out for someone.

‘Dean was making weird noises, and I thought he was hurt, and I went to see if he was okay but he was sitting on Cas and I think I shouldn’t have gone.’ He kept his head down until he heard someone snort, looking up to see Gabriel laughing, tears spilling from the corners of his eyes. Luci wasn’t must better, and Rowena had her hand over her mouth trying to stop sounds from coming out.

‘Why are you laughing?’ Sam asked, thoroughly confused.

‘Dean and Cassie, well, they were just spending time together. It’s what people do, when they’re in love.’ Gabriel stated, and Sam kind of understood. It was a different love to what he and his brother had, Daddy had told Dean about it about a month ago.

‘I shouldn’t have gone in.’ Sam remarked, feeling like Dean was going to be mad.

‘Dean won’t mind, Samuel. He’ll just be a bit embarrassed.’ Rowena provided, and Sam felt slightly better. If Dean wasn’t mad, then that was a good thing.

‘He won’t hit me?’ He asked, feeling the need to check. Both men looked angry, but Rowena just smiled softly.

‘No, Samuel. Dean is not like your father.’ Sam felt comforted by that, and opted for Gabriel to lie on, he was the comfiest. He curled up on his lap, listening to the faint hum of them talking as he fell back asleep.

When Sam woke up, he was in his bed. It didn’t take him long to get out of it, heading towards the kitchen. Unfortunately, he ran into Cas first. The blue-eyed man turned slightly red, looking down at Sam carefully.

‘Good morning, Sam.’ Sam hoped Cas wasn’t mad at him, if this guy was Dean’s… whatever they were, in love, he didn’t want to ruin it. Dean might choose Cas over him, Sam thought.

‘Morning. I’m sorry for last night.’ He looked away, hoping Cas wouldn’t be too mad. Castiel sighed, but Sam didn’t look up.

‘Sam, it wasn’t your fault. All is forgiven.’ He blinked, beaming at the blue-eyed man, who didn’t look angry at all. In fact, Cas offered out one of his hands to Sam. He accepted, wrapping his fingers around two of Cas’s, walking towards the kitchen.

‘You have pretty wings.’ He commented as they walked in, not hearing the choking sound Cas made. Luci and Gabe were already in the room, and Sam headed across towards them. Castiel joined, eventually Mary appeared, and Rowena.

‘Bobby and Dean are setting up the spell.’ Sam wasn’t sure if he liked the way they kept talking about spells, it didn’t seem like that was how people grew big, but he trusted his brother to look after him. He trusted the group not to hurt him. Breakfast was a quick thing, Sam heading down to the library with the others. Dean smiled at him when he walked in, looking to Cas and his smile brightened further. Love.

Sam watched Rowena prepare weird things, Sam sitting on one of the chairs as he waited for someone to tell him what he was supposed to do. Dean kept his eyes on Rowena constantly, before the woman pulled back.

‘Done, I just need his blood.’ Dean tensed up, but walked across towards Sam. A small bowl was put on Sam’s lap, and the youngest Winchester realised that his brother needed blood from him. He had seen how brave Dean was when he sorted out Daddy when he came in bleeding and bruised, and it wasn’t like Sam hadn’t bled before. The knife in Dean’s hand looked slightly threatening, but Dean looked terrified.

Sam had always wanted to be strong for his brother, and this was perfect. He snatched the knife, and before his brother could complain, he sunk it into the skin on his arm. It hurt, but it wasn’t as bad as he’d been expecting. Blood dripped into the bowl, Dean scowling at him as he snatched the knife back. Eventually, Cas walked across and placed a hand over the bleeding cut, and Sam watched it heal. He knew they had wings, but were they really Angels?

‘The spell is safe, Dean. We’ve checked it twice.’ Gabriel provided, watching Dean hesitantly hand the bowl across. Sam watched the exchange, realising that this wasn’t how people got old. That there was something wrong, and Dean was trying to help him. He sat on the chair patiently, until Rowena told the group she was ready. Dean hesitated, coming to crouch back down next to Sam.

‘This might hurt a tiny bit, okay?’ Sam smiled, watching his brother’s face crease. It always happened when he was worried, even when they were little. He took Dean’s hand, squeezing gently.

‘Love you De.’ His brother looked shocked, and he wondered if adults didn’t say that to each other. He felt like they should, Dean was the kind of big brother who deserved being told how amazing he was. His brother walked away, and Rowena started saying things in a language he didn’t understand. Sam sat patiently, until his body started to itch slightly. He scratched his wrist, becoming slightly worried when the same itch came on the other side.

‘De?’ He questioned, before his body started to hurt. He heard his brother shout for him, but he toppled from the chair, and then felt his mind go black.

 

When Sam had gone to sleep, he had been sitting on the motel bed, thinking about the planned monster hunt his brother and dad were on. It was rare that they left him, but it did happen. The ten-year-old had fallen asleep in the motel room, tucked in one of Dean’s hoodies, wishing his brother would come back.

When Sam woke up, there was a lot of noise. He was on a chair, and the first thing he noticed was that he wasn’t in the motel room. He flinched, his dad was going to kill him when John realised he’d been kidnapped. Jesus, this was bad news. He looked around, taking into consideration the fact that this place had a lot of books. There were stairs in the corner, and Sam wondered if he could get to them before anyone reached him. Probably not, if he was judging the voices right.

‘Sammy?’ Sam froze, his training telling him to pretend to be asleep, but the voice… He opened his eyes, coming face to face with a mid-thirties guy. He would have lashed out, apart from the fact that his eyes were a stunning green, one that nobody could replicate. And the smell, boy, it was almost identical to his Dean. Sam paused, seeing the familiar stretch of Dean’s jeans and knowing that a gun was tucked in the back. He lunged forwards, surprising the man, reaching round and grabbing the gun.

The clip was in, so he cocked it and pointed it straight at the man with his brother’s eyes as he scurried back. There were more people in the room, but he held firm on the guy in front.

‘Sammy, I know this is weird, but it’s me. Dean.’ Right, some guy in his thirties was his brother.

‘I call bullshit.’

‘Language!’ Dean scolded, and Sam lowered the gun slightly. He had said the word for the first time last month, and his brother had clipped him over the ear and tackled him to the floor.

‘It was a spell, Sam.’


	7. The beginning of the bitch-face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean deals with a slightly snappy Sam.

Dean recited what had happened, his brother was now kind of old enough to understand. If he knew about monsters, it meant he could at least entertain the notion that he was supposed to be thirty years old.

‘So, I’m looking good for thirty.’ Sam commented, eating another bite of burger. Dean wasn’t surprised by his brother’s attitude, but they needed to figure out more about his brother’s age. If they could figure out why he was stopped at certain ages, they could figure out which one would be next. He’d noted the slight bruise on his brother’s cheek, and wondered if any injuries from the age Sam came from were transferred.

‘Mom?’ The plate smashed, Sam standing up sharply. Dean hesitated, turning back to see Mary having entered the room. It was decided that they would keep her away, but evidently his Mom had other ideas. Sam approached slowly, before looking back to Dean.

‘Mom came back. Resurrected, by God’s sister.’ Sam stared at him for a long time, before he looked back to Mary. Dean cleaned up the smashed plate, the group awkwardly sitting in silence while they waited for Sam to say something. Eventually, he gave her a smile, and returned to his seat. Dean could see his brother tense, could see him twiddling his thumbs, and knew he was confused.

‘So, Sam, we need to know a bit about you. What you were doing before you woke up here, how old you are.’ Bobby explained. Dean had been surprised with how warmly Sam had greeted Bobby, but then he remembered that Sam had always been fond of him. Charlie had left yesterday, having something come up, which meant that they didn’t have to bother with that re-introduction.

‘Ten. And I was in a motel room, eating cereal.’ Sam was looking to the three Angels, and Dean wondered if he was going to mention the fact that he could see them glowing. But apparently, Sam had learnt self-preservation at this point, and didn’t say anything.

‘For dinner? I’m slacking as a brother.’ Dean stated, worrying slightly that his Mom would judge him for allowing that. Sam snorted, stealing fries of Gabriel’s plate. The Angel poked his hand, but Sam didn’t seem to care.

‘Nah, I chose. You and Dad are on a hunting trip.’ That was worse, Dean figured. Mary looked hurt, but Dean tried not to think about it too much. He couldn’t, he knew that leaving a ten-year-old in a motel room wasn’t the best thing, but John had been insistent. Dean noticed, even at ten, that Sam’s sassiness was starting to come through. The beginning of a bitch-face forming when Dean took away the soda.

‘Hunting what? How long had we… have we been gone?’ Sam scowled at Gabriel, who had stolen some of the fries back, before looking to Dean.

‘Five days? The case ran over, you called to let me know. Werewolves, according to Dad. I disagree, doesn’t fit with the lunar cycle, but when does dad listen to me?’ Sam stole another chip, apparently not bothered by the fact that he was dissing his father in front of three Angels, a Witch, their Mom, and his brother and Uncle.

‘Right… So Sam, you’ll probably grow again in a couple of days, according to Rowena. For now…’ Sam cut him off before he could continue that,

‘Yeah, since when have you been trusting Witches? You told me we couldn’t save that Witch down in Oklahoma.’ Sam snapped, before his face softened slightly. Dean remembered a young Sammy telling them that not all of the supernatural had to be bad, to which Dean had quickly got in between him and John.

‘Yeah Sam, you were right. The Angels are cool, and Rowena is alright when it suits her. Now…’

‘Does that mean she can teach me stuff?’ Sam asked, and Dean knew he was pushing boundaries. The glare made Sam hang his head, looking away.

‘Sorry De.’

‘We need you to tell us if you feel ill at all, anything out of the ordinary, okay?’ Dean didn’t address the apology, and Sam snapped his head back up at the instruction. He nodded, before Rowena spoke up.

‘Samuel, did the bruise on your face happen before or after you arrived here?’ Dean had been wondering it as well, Bobby had pulled him aside and asked. If Sam brought through injuries with his ages, they could have issues.

‘Aw, it’s like a week old.’ Damn. Dean helped the group clean up, taking Sam back down to the library. It was no surprise when he went straight for the books, sitting down and beginning to read something about Japanese folklore that Dean thought he’d rather die than read.

‘Sam, how did you get the bruise, son?’ Bobby was asking, and Dean pretended not to be listening, even though he was. The rest of the group did so as well, even Mom.

‘Told Dad he couldn’t go on the hunt cause I had an English presentation that parents could come to.’ Sam stated, not looking up from the book. Dean tensed, looking across to Mary, who was staring right back at Dean. He gestured to the door, and the two walked out.

‘I’m starting to see why you didn’t tell me about your childhood.’ Mary pointed out, keeping her face neutral. Dean took a breath, clearing his mind.

‘It wasn’t the best. Dad, he had a short temper sometimes. It was usually with Sam, but I got in the middle most of the time. He was obsessed with finding Azazel, and when Sam showed a favour for research… It wasn’t the worst childhood, it wasn’t the best.’ Mary pulled him in for a hug, and Dean allowed himself to relax against his Mom. Thirty years of not having this, Dean wouldn’t give it up for the world.

‘Now, I heard about an incident last night…’ Dean blushed, looking away awkwardly.

‘Sorry.’ Mary laughed, a bright shine in her eyes as Dean tried to fight the red.

‘Don’t be, just make sure ten-year-old Sam doesn’t see anything.’ Mary walked back into the library, Dean following, only to find his brother reading a book in Enochian, the three Angels listening to the story. Bobby raised a brow as Dean walked in, but Dean ignored it in favour of sitting by his brother.

‘Reading, Sammy?’

‘Yeah, a book about Angels.’ He stated, before continuing the reading and peppering the Angels with questions. Dean rolled his eyes, seeing that this was going to be difficult.

‘Dean, how did Dad die?’ Sam asked, putting the book down. Dean hesitated, looking across to Mary momentarily. He didn’t want to hurt his brother, but then again, he had a right to know.

‘We… we got in a car crash. Dad sold his soul for me to get better.’ Dean still felt guilt over it. Sam seemed to digest the new information, shrugging and returning to his book. Dean blinked, looking confused.

‘Are you… are you not confused?’ Sam looked up to his brother, the beginning of a bitch-face resting on his face. Dean was mildly surprised.

‘No. It makes sense, we’re never going to die naturally. Makes sense that Dad would die for you.’ Sam stated, and Dean sensed what Sam was really saying. It would make sense that Dad would die for Dean, but he wouldn’t do the same for Sam. Dean remembered how his Dad had told him to kill Sam if he ever became bad. Shuddering, Dean settled next to Cas, not wanting to think of that anymore.


	8. Yellow Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam asks Dean questions to satisfy his curiosity, and we say hello to a teenage Sam

Sam spent the next two days learning how to read the spell book that Rowena had, most of the time the lessons were supervised by either one of the Angels or Dean, but today they were alone. Rowena was showing him a truth spell, something very complex and hard to perform, but Sam listened along as she explained what it could be used for.

Sam thought about what he had been told by his brother, and wondered how much Dean knew about him. They spent their entire lives together, so it meant that growing up, there wouldn’t be much that Dean didn’t know. It was an odd thought.

‘Sam, sweetie, what’s wrong?’ Sam looked up to the witch, remembering when Dean tried to explain that all monsters were bad. Now he was dating one, well, not a monster. A supernatural. Sam tried to understand, but it was hard, considering he was so young.

‘I found a picture. Of me and a girl. We looked happy.’ The name had been Jess, and something inside his mind told him to run away sharply. Rowena wrapped an arm around his shoulders, Sam leaning back to rest his head in her lap. Nails massaged his scalp, the woman offering comfort. Sam wanted to talk to his Mom, but he also didn’t want to. John had said, on multiple occasions, that he had been responsible for his mother’s death. That thought kept him away.

‘You’ll be older soon, and you’ll learn the truth for yourself.’ She stated, and Sam supposed she was right. He didn’t remember being here when he was four, so he figured he wouldn’t remember being close to Rowena when he next woke up.

Sam went to the gun range, taking Bobby with him as parental guidance. He didn’t want to talk, putting in headphones he had found in his room. Putting the muffs over the top, he loaded the gun and focused on the target. He’d never wanted this life, yet he was still in it twenty years later. Two Archangels, an Angel and a Witch were in the Bunker. Apparently, Sam had the King of Hell on speed dial. He didn’t ponder on it too long, looking to the target.

John had taught him to imagine someone he really wanted to shoot, a werewolf or a shifter. Sam concentrated, picturing the man he sometimes saw in his dreams, a man that had yellow eyes. He never told his brother, and he figured that they either knew what it was, or it wasn’t relevant. Sometimes, the figure told Sam that he had abilities. Sometimes, Sam believed him. Thought about moving objects, and once, the day when John had left, he had got so angry that the table had vibrated. Sam convinced himself that it was a car passing by.

Eight shots fired, all hitting dead centre. It didn’t surprise him, when he got angry like this, he usually was pretty good. He thought of the yellow-eyed man, wondering if it was true. Wondering if his future-self remembered the dreams. Maybe he could ask Dean. Bobby walked with him to the library, Dean was still tracking the Witch that had cursed Sam.

‘Who’s got yellow eyes?’ Sam blurted, his brother dropping the book he had been holding. Lucifer’s face tensed, apparently, he knew something. Gabriel walked to the comfy chairs, Bobby taking the hint and following. Dean paused, mouth opening and shutting rather like a guppy fish.

‘A demon. One that killed Mom.’ Sam took in this information, realising that it meant the Demon had been there for him. The anger crept up, the same ticking in the back of his head. He wondered if he could control it, the buzzing in his head that told him if he wanted to, he could lift that book with his mind and hit his brother square in the chest.

‘Okay.’ That was all Sam said, trying to hold back the anger.

‘Sammy, he’s dead. How did you know?’ Dean had that suspicious elder brother look, and Sam smiled brightly, plastering on the childhood innocence that Dean would never not fall for.

‘I read it in a book, De. It was highlighted.’ Dean’s muscles relaxed, Sam’s, however, were tense. He left the room, saying how he wasn’t really hungry and was going to go for a shower, then to bed. He did those things, showering and changing into Dean’s hoodie. He sat on the bed, stretching his hand and pulling on that bit in the back of his mind that he could sometimes forget. The pen on the desk floated for a couple of seconds, then hit the desk with a light thud.

‘Sammy?’ Dean poked his head round the door, Sam looking up to his big brother. Dean came in, helping Sam get under the covers before tucking Sam in. He watched his elder brother, wondering if they were still close when he was thirty. Dean wasn’t telling him everything, he could understand that, he was only ten. When Dean pressed a kiss to his head, Sam was reminded of the times when Dean would sing Hey Jude to him when the nightmares got bad.

‘Night, Sammy.’ He said, turning the light off as he walked to the door. Sam watched him leave, biting his cheek.

‘Love you, De.’

 

When Sam fell asleep, he was a sixteen-year-old kid, desperately trying to ignore the Demons in his mind. John and Dean were gone, leaving Sam for two weeks on his own. The kid had fallen asleep, wanting his big brother to come back so that the anxiety would go away, but Dean wasn’t answering his phone. Sam had fallen asleep on the floor, trying to press down on his arm where the scars were.

When Sam woke up, he had no idea where he was. The room was dark, he was alone, and it wasn’t the motel room. Looking to the door, Sam decided to find a weapon. Anything, really, that he could use against whatever was around. He opted, for now, for creeping out. It was 8am, meaning wherever he was, and it was a fucking creepy hallway, the people would probably be awake. Sam momentarily wondered if someone had seen what he had done last night, seen him practicing lifting up a bottle. He had sworn he wouldn’t do it anymore, knowing it was wrong.

Monsters had to die, his father taught him that. Trying one of the handles, he slipped into another room. The sheets were twisted and messed up, but there was nobody in the bed. On the desk, a photo sat, propped up against the lamp. Sam froze, staring at the picture of Dean, Mom and John. His brother kept that close to him, he wouldn’t give it up without a fight.

The room smelt of Dean. Sam concluded, for whatever bizarre reason, that his brother must be here somewhere. He wondered if he had carried him into the room. No, his brother wouldn’t do that, he was too annoyed at Sam.

‘SAMMY?’ That was his brother shouting, voice slightly more whiskey-infused than it usually sounded, but Sam poked his head out of the door as a man appeared. He blinked, staring at the guy that was definitely his brother, only a version that looked like he was at least ten years older.

‘Dean?’


	9. Sweet Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam finds out about Dean and Cas, and the elder brother finds things out about Sammy

Dean stared at his sixteen-year-old brother, who he had just explained everything to. Sam had listened throughout the entire thing, eating the pancakes he had cooked for him without questions. Eventually, Dean got to the end of the explanation and Sam opened his mouth.

‘And we live in a Bunker?’ Dean nodded, watching Sam look around. His gaze drifted over everyone, having already cried when he saw Mom, and then went back to Dean.

‘Okay.’ He stated, taking the plate to the sink. Dean shot him a disbelieving look, wondering where the feisty teen he remembered had gone.

‘Okay?’ He inquired, staring at his baby brother as he looked back at him. Sam shrugged, pulling the hem of the hoodie down as he stood there.

‘I trust you, Dean.’ Sam’s eyes were honest, although Dean knew his brother well enough to know he wasn’t saying something.

‘Dean… how much do you know about this year?’ Dean didn’t understand what his little brother meant, nothing specific happened, did it? Sam looked relieved, sinking back slightly as his shoulders relaxed. His brother was growing like a shoot, he was almost the same height as Dean.

‘What do you mean, Sammy?’ Sam shook his head, offering a smile.

‘Nothing, De.’ Sam walked back to the library, and Dean followed, before Lucifer tapped his shoulder. Dean blinked, Lucifer rarely chose to interact with him.

‘He’s injured.’ Lucifer stated, looking to Gabriel, who nodded in confirmation. Bobby shrugged, and Dean couldn’t remember a hunt around the time Sam had given that would have hurt him. He turned his gaze to Rowena, sadly, and spoke.

‘You’re good with him. Figure it out.’ Rowena scowled, but she didn’t say anything as they found Sam in the library, reading. Hardly unexpected, he thought, considering his brother was a nerd. Sam stayed quiet for the entire afternoon, reading until Castiel appeared with pizza. Sam ate no more than two slices, not leaving the book that he was occupied by.

‘Sam, you look like crap. Eat up.’ Sam shot him a bitch-face, fully fledged, and grinned.

‘Dude, I have to put up with a twenty-year-old you, of course I look like crap.’ Dean shot him an offended look, glad he had a brother he could joke with.

‘What are you talking about, I’m a delight!’ Dean stated, Castiel rolling his eyes. Without thinking, Dean pressed a kiss to his lips, mostly to wipe the smug look off his face. He then froze, turning back to Sam, who was looking at him with amusement.

‘Dean, don’t look so freaked. Even I know about you and Michael Huten under the school bleachers. You weren’t fooling anyone.’ He continued reading the book, Dean spluttering as he tried to correct his brother, before he tried to remember if Sam had any girlfriends. Of course, his brother dated more books that women, so this was difficult.

‘Any love interests in your life at the moment, Sammy?’ He teased, watching his brother’s face close off. Sam, with age, had learnt to school his emotions so that Dean couldn’t read them. But right now, his brother looked terrified.

‘No.’ He snapped, hurt filling his voice. Dean dropped the subject quickly, although he desperately wanted to know why his brother was so angry.

‘Could I have a word with your boyfriend, Dean? I have some questions about Angel things.’ Dean nodded, Sam politely asking if Cas would speak to him. Castiel followed Sam out of the room, before Dean turned to Bobby.

‘Why’s Sammy so defensive?’ Bobby shrugged, sipping beer.

‘John didn’t speak to me anymore, remember? I don’t know why he would be snapping at you like that.’ That did nothing to ease Dean’s worries, turning to the two Archangels.

‘Don’t fancy rooting around his brain?’ Lucifer flinched, as did Gabriel. Dean shrugged, pretending it didn’t matter, and wondering if he had any blackmail over his brother that he could use to get him to answer his questions. Mary looked at him, but she didn’t have any ideas either, considering she had only known him for six months.

When Castiel hadn’t returned after half an hour, Dean started to become concerned. What the hell could his brother be talking about with his boyfriend? Speaking of the brother of the Devil, Castiel walked in calmly, Sam following behind. It didn’t take Dean long to spot the red-rimmed eyes, glaring at Castiel for making his younger brother upset.

‘Oh, oh Sam. Come here, kiddo.’ Gabriel offered out his arms, Sam looking hesitant before he crossed the room. Dean watched his brother accept the embrace, watching his shoulder shake slightly as he buried his face into Gabriel’s neck. Castiel came across, face concerned as he sat down.

‘Dean.’

‘What’s wrong? Who hurt him?’ Dean demanded, face determined. He would kill anyone who lay a hand on his baby brother, even if it was fourteen years ago.

‘Dean, it isn’t that. Sam’s been hurting.’ Yes, Dean had got that. Seeing his confusion, Cas cleared his throat.

‘Himself, Dean. Sam’s been cutting his wrists.’ Dean stopped breathing, literally. That was his baby brother, how had he noticed that his brother had been doing that? How long did it continue? Dammit, he knew that Sam had self-sacrificing tendencies, but… really?

‘I didn’t ask why.’ Mary looked horrified, but still unsure of how to deal with it. Bobby looked like he knew something that Dean didn’t, and Dean made a mental note to bring it up later. Rowena paused, before she looked across to Sam, smiling.

‘How about a lesson on Witchcraft, Samuel?’ The kid untangled himself from Gabe, ducking at something that nobody but the Angels could apparently see. Wings. Sam had avoided Gabe’s wings. Sam didn’t recognise what he had given away, crossing the room and settling next to Rowena. The witch beamed, before opening the spell-book.

 

Dean found his baby brother sitting in his room, looking up when Dean walked in. He smiled to his brother, hoping it conveyed that they were seriously going to do this, have a chick-flic moment. Dean sat on the edge of the bed, looking to Sam.

‘You can talk to me, Sammy.’ The polite way of asking, Dean hoped his brother was less stubborn.

‘You’re not my Dean.’ Sam stated, looking up at him. When Dean looked confused, he continued,

‘I’ll forget this, forget telling you. Future me is alive, so I’m guessing they don’t deal with the same problems I do, or they’re better at handling it. There isn’t any benefit of me telling you.’ Dean felt his heart shatter, wondering why he had never noticed when he was younger that his brother was upset.

‘Sam, it doesn’t make a difference. I’m your brother, you can tell me.’ And he could, no matter what it was. Sam looked to him, before he sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

‘It’s two things. The first was recent, well, recent for me. You were out, hooking up with some girl, and didn’t pick me up from school. Not that I’m blaming you, obviously, it was my fault. Some guy offered me a lift, and I was stupid. Accepted it, and the guy started getting weird. Made comments about how I looked older than my age, how he thought I looked good in my jeans.’ Dean felt sick, wishing his brother had told him so that he could put a bullet between the guys eyes. It didn’t matter, human or not, Dean would have done it. Worse, his brother was getting chatted up and he was banging some chick he couldn’t even remember. Sam cleared his throat, looking away,

‘Anyway, this guy gets a little handsy, and I remember what you always told me about how guys do that to girls all the time. The guy, well, I was hitting him and stuff and opened the car door, rolled out. It shouldn’t have bothered me, I mean, we hunt monsters for God’s sake. But it did, and later, when Dad’s telling me I always act like a girl…’ He trailed off, and Dean noticed how Sam didn’t specifically tell him what had happened with the truck guy. He didn’t ask, he would ask older Sam.

‘Sam, that wasn’t your fault. And guys, hell, they can be dicks. If you’d told me…’ Sam laughed, but it was a broken laugh. Dean bit his tongue, knowing full well that twenty-year-old him would have told Sam it was his fault for getting into the truck.

‘Yeah, thanks Dean.’ He muttered, and Dean had the urge to pull his brother against him, run his fingers through his hair like he used to, sing to him softly. He didn’t, putting on a brave face.

‘And the second thing?’


	10. Abomination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heart-felt speech, then a typical Winchester argument.

Sam concentrated on the pen, watching it lift from the table. Dean’s eyes widened, but he didn’t say anything. He sat silently, waiting for Sam to explain.

‘I figured it out when I was ten, I was so mad at John… It just happened. I swore I would never do it again, the thoughts that come with using it… It’s the reason that I cut…’ He trailed off, rubbing his thumb across his inner wrist. Dean watched him carefully, before giving a small smile.

‘Older you accidently does it once, when I’m under threat. He could never replicate it.’ Dean remarked, and Sam wishes he knew what Dean did about him. He shuffled back, leaning against the headboard.

‘It’s like a voice in my head, a bad one.’ Dean pulled the covers back on the bed, gesturing for Sam to get in. He did, not quite sure what his brother was doing as he unbelted his jeans and slid beside Sam. His brother barely ever did this, but Sam didn’t hesitate to curl up against Dean. The tears slid freely, but Dean didn’t comment on it.

‘Sam, you can always talk to me. Whatever it is. Like how you can see the Angels, man, I didn’t even know you could do that.’ Sam paused, realising that his future self had kept that hidden. He wondered why, then realised it was probably the dreams.

‘I dreamt of a guy, the yellow-eyes. The dreams stopped three years ago, he told me that I could see Angels if I concentrated. I thought it was because I was a monster, a freak.’ Dean held still, and Sam wished he could hear his thoughts. He relaxed when Dean’s hand reached for his hair, fingers looping through it as he hummed softly. Hey Jude. Sam allowed his arm to wrap around his brother, trusting him to keep his secrets.

‘I love you, De.’

‘Love you too, Sammy.’

 

Despite the heart-felt omissions last night, the next morning started with the Winchester brothers arguing. It was hardly surprising, but it still hurt Sam to see that his brother didn’t trust him. All he’d asked was to go shopping, he was fed up of the Bunker already, the lack of colour driving him insane. He’d only been able to withstand the motel rooms because of their weird colour schemes. Apart from that, he’d always been driven insane by them. The desire to go shopping usually wouldn’t have been a problem, he figured, apart from the fact thirty-four-year-old Dean was an arsehole. Sam couldn’t help but snap at him, he was a lot like Dad.

‘I’m going.’

‘Like hell you are.’ Others were awkwardly observing the scene, the Angels not bothering to get involved. His Mom hadn’t said anything, neither had Bobby, so Sam was left fighting Dean with just Rowena to help him. He liked the witch.

‘It’s just shopping.’ Sam stated, trying to ignore the growing anger. His brother had seemed so understanding last night, accepting that Sam was a freak, but he wouldn’t even allow him to shopping!

‘With the Witch Bitch? Absolutely not.’ Dean was doing his “I’m your big brother” face, the frown enough to make Sam want to hit him. He didn’t, hitting his brother would achieve nothing, but he was mad that he was insulting Rowena.

‘Without her, I’d still be stuck as a four-year-old.’ Even Rowena took a step back, probably because two Winchesters arguing usually ended in blood. Sam’s blood, when Dean would get fed up and tackle him. At least, that was what used to happen. Thirty-four-year-old Dean seemed to have a shorter fuse, and might just resort to grounding him for all he knew.

‘Yeah, I much prefer four-year-old you. Less bitchiness and whining.’ Sam tried not to get angry, Dean didn’t really mean it. He was just mad.

‘I’m old enough to go.’ Calm, like trying to tame a wild beast. Unfortunately, the Winchester didn’t seem to like being treated like that.

‘It isn’t your age I’m worried about, Sam. You’re a freaking, danger-magnet!’ His voice was raising well above friendly, and Sam was reminded of all the times John shouted at him like this. His brother rarely did, unless Sam was being unreasonable. This wasn’t unreasonable, wanting to go shopping with a Witch that Dean had welcomed into the Bunker?

‘That isn’t my fault!’ Sam shouted back, thinking to the ruck incident, to all the hunts that had gone wrong. Maybe Dean was right, he wasn’t exactly safe to be around.

‘Yes it bloody is! You’re a freak, Sam!’ Dean seemed to regret the words as soon as they were out of his mouth, but it didn’t really matter. The headache struck almost instantly, Sam toppling slightly as he clutched his head,

_‘Pick a hemisphere’_

_‘Abomination’_

_‘You lose my number, boy’_

‘Sam? Sammy?’ His brother was moving forwards, as was Bobby, but Sam threw his hand up in defence. He hadn’t actually meant to throw his brother back, it wasn’t hard enough to do any damage, but hard enough that Sam felt the guilt instantly. Dean, evidently, was right. He always was.

‘Samuel, let him go.’ Rowena stated calmly, placing a hand on his shoulder. He dropped his hand, trying to stop the voice in his head from taking over, not looking at his silent brother.

‘Come on, let’s get you some fresh air.’ Rowena guided him out of the room, and this time he actually listened. He didn’t realise they were outside until the fresh air hit him, calming his aching mind. He’d hurt his brother…

‘I didn’t mean to.’ He muttered, fingernails digging in to the soft skin on his forearms. Rowena looked across, not saying anything as she studied him. His brother was never going to forgive him…

‘I know that, Samuel. As does your brother.’ He wasn’t entirely sure he believed that, but he was willing to let her think he understood. Part of him wanted to go inside, beg for forgiveness, then ask his brother to take away all the sharp objects so that Sam didn’t do anything stupid.

_You don’t really want that, Sam. Pain cures guilt._

The other part of him won, Sam hoping that he would grow older tonight so that he didn’t have to face the thought of Dean finding out that he wasn’t as strong as he should be. Sam didn’t even understand how he was a Winchester, his brother and Dad had always been so strong compared to him. Sam’s strength came in not paper-cutting himself with all the books he read.

Eventually, the cold air started to get too much. Rowena still had a hand on him, resting lightly against his thigh. The contact was nice, considering his brother and dad weren’t exactly one for comfort.

‘Why do they let me stay?’ Sam finally asked, looking across to the Witch. She seemed confused, staring at him through her eyelashes with a look that told him he was being stupid.

‘Cas called me an abomination. Dean told me to pick a hemisphere. Bobby asked me to lose his number. What did I do?’ Rowena watched him, before picking up his hand. He allowed it, watching her run her thumb across the back gently.

‘Sam, what you did wasn’t your fault. Some things are pre-destined.’ Sam thought to the dreams, to Azazel, or that was what Dean had called him. He took a deep breath, before he followed Rowena back into the Bunker. It didn’t matter, he was more than ready to accept the fact that he wasn’t wanted. Rather than face his brother, Sam slipped towards his room, thinking about the knife that he had swiped earlier and placed in his boot.


	11. Jesus!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a weird chapter, but it is important for later in the story!

‘WHAT THE ACTUAL JESUS!’ Dean dropped the glass he was holding, pulling the pistol from his belt at the intruder. Then, realising that it would do very little to hurt the creature, he lowered it with a glare and bitch-face rival to his baby brother. Chuck stared back at him, a mild look of amusement on his face.

‘Dad?’ Gabriel poked his head around the door, walking steadily forwards. Lucifer didn’t move, neither did Castiel. Dean did, cleaning up the shattered glass and mumbling about how his Bunker was quickly becoming a refuge for the Supernatural. Mary came forwards, a hand resting on Dean’s arm as she leant forwards.

‘That’s God?’ Bobby was apparently thinking the same thing, the two of the staring at God with a look of confusion. Rowena, who was sitting in the library’s comfy chairs, did not say anything. They had seen each other when they’d attempted to sort out the rivalry between Amara and Chuck.

‘Hello, Mary Winchester. Please, call me Chuck.’ Dean rolled his eyes, sitting back down on the chair, now minus the glass of scotch. Mary seemed to need the chair pretty quickly, shock evident on her face. Chuck had turned his attention back to Gabriel, stepping forwards to place a hand against his cheek. The moment was private, and Dean felt bad for intruding, turning his gaze away.

‘What are you doing here?’ Lucifer asked, but it wasn’t malicious. Well, maybe a little. Dean didn’t really blame the guy, they had been the ones that worked on removing the corrupt Grace, not his own father.

‘The Universe was created with balance in mind.’ Chuck began, and Dean sighed. A story meant one thing, that he had to listen to the entire thing just to understand the message. Chuck sent him a look, before he took a seat next to Rowena.

‘I aim to keep the balance. Sometimes, when needed, soulmates are made. Not always sexual, as you should know.’ Dean looked behind him, before realising Chuck was staring right at him. Dean didn’t have a soulmate, at least not that he was aware of. Gabriel chuckled, rolling his eyes as he sat on the end of the table.

‘Sam, you idiot.’ Sam was his soulmate? Right. Dean didn’t comment on that, trying to digest the information as Chuck continued.

‘Death is something that restores balance. Nothing can come back too many times before it starts to disrupt the balance, and naturally, the people in this room all manage to defy odds.’ Dean felt a sinking feeling in his gut, was Chuck saying they had to die?

‘So, you’re here to kill us?’ Dean quipped, thankful when Bobby slid him a new glass. The amber-liquid soothed his thoughts, calming him as he looked back up at God, who watched him with a smile.

‘Of course not. But you, Dean, have died quite a lot. I appreciated the fact that Gabriel made a copy of you to kill during Mystery Spot…’ Gabriel winced, Dean wondering why nobody had told him that it was a copy and not actually him, ‘but your brother has a habit of dying as well. Lucifer, when the Grace was removed, you lost most of the memories of what you had done, correct?’

Eyes turned to the Devil, who briefly nodded. Chuck hummed slightly, sitting back in the chair and crossing his legs. Even Gabriel looked confused, what with God just casually sitting in the library.

‘I don’t get it.’ Dean finally stated, looking around the room to see nods of agreement. Chuck blinked, apparently away with the fairies (evil things) and focused back on Dean.

‘I intend to insure balance, I’m just waiting for Sam.’ Dean felt his instincts to protect Sam flare up, although he reminded himself that this was God, it hardly mattered what he did.

‘Sam’s a little preoccupied. He won’t recognise you.’ Chuck laughed, before he gave Dean that “I know everything” smile.

‘I have spoken to your brother eight times as God, and he only remembers our last encounter. I am more than aware of how the mind works, Dean.’ Dean wanted to ask when his little brother had time to see God himself, but Sam appeared in the doorway, his messy hair covering his face. Chuck looked across, a slight smile that had turned sad.

‘Sam, I have to say, I thought we were past this.’ Sam flinched, and Dean wanted to stand up and get between them, but it was like some invisible pressure was sitting on him. His brother stepped properly into the room, eyes wide as he walked across towards Chuck with little hesitation.

‘I’m not dead this time.’ Sam thoughtfully said, Dean wondering what the hell he was missing. Chuck stood, reaching out and brushing his fingers through Sam’s hair. His baby brother stood still, before Chuck smiled.

‘And with that, balance is restored.’ Chuck vanished into thin air, Sam looking around for a moment before his gaze focused on Dean. He remembered earlier, when his little brother had looked so hurt, Dean had said some truly unforgiveable things. He wasn’t surprised that Sam had reacted, he just hadn’t known he was that strong.

‘Dean, I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have hurt you.’ Dean knew he should apologise, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t be as open as Sam was, even though he’d just found out they were freaking soulmates. His heart clenched, wanting to comfort his brother as those hazel eyes focused on him, but he was mad. Mad that Sam wasn’t telling him stuff, mad that Sam had never told him this stuff. Screw soulmates, his kept secrets.

‘Just leave me alone, Sammy.’ He bit his tongue once the words had come out, watching his brother bow his head in defeat. Mary looked pretty pissed, but Dean ignored her. Sam left the room, Lucifer following almost immediately. The tables started shuddering slightly, Castiel edging back as if something was reaching for him. Gabriel’s eyes glowed momentarily, before he too stalked off out of sight.

‘Idjits. I’m going home.’ Bobby snapped, Dean not able to blame him. He watched his sort-of father figure give him one last look, before he headed towards the garage.

‘You need to make it up to him.’ His Mom looked pissed, walking off in the direction of her room. Dean sighed, cradling his head in his hands as he looked across to Castiel. His boyfriend usually stayed neutral, but even he looked disappointed.

‘Soulmates are supposed to be rejoiced, Dean. Why would you hurt Sam?’ Dean didn’t know why, so he didn’t bother asking. His Angel walked away, and Dean glanced to Rowena. The Witch shrugged, picking up the glass of scotch she had been drinking.

‘I’m hardly an idol for family relationships, darling.’ He figured she was probably right, then realised he had just been compared to Rowena. Keeping his mouth shut in a tight line, he went to find his baby brother.


	12. Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. Hate me later!

Sam Winchester, although he didn’t know it, had met God before. The presence in the library, Sam had oddly recognised it. He’d walked in, keeping his arm relaxed as he tried to ignore the throbbing pain from the cut he had made. The man, God, had healed it. In that brief moment, Sam remembered times like this before, when he had been close to the invisible edge. Sam didn’t know it, but every time he had tried to step of the ledge, it had been God that had kept him well. Even when Lucifer made the promise to resurrect Sam, it had been God that got there first.

Sam didn’t know any of this, he just knew that he was safe. Lying in his bed, snuggled between two Archangels, Sam didn’t think about what his brother had said. He thought about how safe he felt, how warm Gabriel was compared to the cold of Lucifer. He wondered if the thirty-year-old version of him took advantage of the duo, sleeping with them like he did.

He wondered why his brother had never told him he was gay. Maybe it was because, even at a young age, Dean was fed up with Sam. He wouldn’t blame him for such a thing, Sam was pretty fed up of himself. Gabriel huffed in his sleep, wrapping an arm around Sam’s waist and pulling him closer. Sam chuckled, the guy was shorter than him, yet managed to be the big spoon. Lucifer was facing him, a hand resting lightly on Sam’s hip, and he felt safe. Caged between two of the most powerful beings in the Universe, who evidently didn’t think him as bad as he thought of himself.

Yet, a strange nauseous feeling started in his gut. Sam tried curling in on himself, desperate to stop the pressure. Crawling out from under Gabriel, he padded along towards the bathroom. Locking the door behind him, he looked in the mirror. His stomach did another almighty flip, and Sam let go of the porcelain sink and sunk to the floor, black dots clouding the vision of the tiled floor.

 

When Sam went to sleep, he had been fully dressed, curled up next to the love of his life, thinking about the ring sitting in his pocket. His hand had been resting on Jess’s stomach, thinking about the three-month-old life sitting inside. He was happy. He had a life, a girlfriend, and a baby.

When Sam woke up, he was on the floor of a tiled bathroom, the ring digging into his pocket. He rolled, attempting to avoid the pressure upon it, even though he knew it wouldn’t break. It was diamond, after all, and he had spent most of his savings on it. Sam rose his head, staring at the bathroom he found himself in. Nothing out of the ordinary, he thought, except he had fallen asleep next to his girlfriend.

The hallway wasn’t much better, this place was like a maze. For the smallest of moments, he considered calling his brother. No, Dean had ignored him ever since he left for Stanford, and that one memorable time John had picked up hadn’t ended well. He tried the first door he came to, opening it to see a bed. He recognised his clothes, which really didn’t help the confusion. Shutting the door behind him, he quickly found a gun. His gun.

Picking the locked draw was easy, what was inside turned his stomach inside out. A leather journal that he had started in Stanford, a picture of him and Dean, and the knife his brother had gave him. Sam had kept that hidden at Stanford, ever since Jess found him standing on top of a ten-story high building, attempting to take the life he had only just found. She didn’t say anything about his handling of weapons, nor the scars on his body. Sam hadn’t been a good hunter, his forte had been the research. Not that he would tell Jess that.

He rummaged through the drawer, stopping when he came to a small pouch. He recognised it, he had it at Stanford, it had been in his bag. He had put in it things he lost, like the only thing he had in remembrance of Mom, a tiny photo of her. A little plastic soldier, one Dean had given him, for the end of the brother-relationship. A werewolf claw, from his first hunt with his Dad. There were more objects in there now, and Sam opened the pouch.

He didn’t recognise any of them but two. Things he didn’t know, a picture of a woman with dark hair, a tiny vial of what appeared to be black blood, a small antichrist symbol. A yellow counter, a plastic bumble bee. He froze when he saw the last items, his heart seemingly stopping. The same ring that was in his pocket, sat in the pouch. He took it out, staring at the diamond. It wasn’t possible. He took the one out of his pocket, comparing them. Identical.

The picture helped. Well, helped was an overstatement. The tiny photo, ultrasound, of his baby. It was in the lost pile, in his pouch with things he never had. Sam’s head hurt, but what he had successfully figured out was that he didn’t have Jess, and he didn’t have their baby. Sam put the photo into the back pocket of his jeans, returned the ring, keeping his one. He shut the drawer, picking up the knife that was resting on the side.

A library. That was where he found himself, stuck in a stupid situation where his brother, or a man that looked like his brother, was trying to tell him he was actually thirty-years-old and lived in this underground house and that he had been struck with a spell that had taken him back to being four. He listened to the entire thing, made Dean check his skin with silver and holy water before Sam finally tried to digest what he had been told.

It didn’t make sense. Well, actually, it kind of did. In a weird way, what Dean was saying sounded like it could be plausible.

‘So, they’re angels.’ Dean nodded, and Sam stared at the three people, watching the way they glowed. His eyes flicked to the wings, before he shut that part of his mind down. No, he couldn’t see them. Sam Winchester was normal.

‘And a Witch is living in the Bunker?’ He looked across to the red-head, who offered a smile.

‘Trust me, I’m not happy about that part.’ Dean snapped, glaring at her. It was such a Dean-move, Sam burst out laughing. He sunk down into the chair, putting the knife down on the table. God, this was majorly messed up.

‘What’s so funny?’ Dean demanded, and Sam looked at his older brother. He looked stressed, the frown permanently etched onto his face, green eyes cold.

‘That, I can believe. You always hated witches.’ Sam looked across to the woman who was supposedly his Mom, trying not to think too hard about that. God’s sister had resurrected his Mom, the Mom that he had killed. Or at least, that was what John said.

‘Freaky things that use too many bodily fluids.’ Dean remarked, and Sam thought of the twenty-two-year-old Dean that he had last seen, the guy that had followed perfect orders. He shoved the thought away, trying not to remember what his brother had said when he had left for Stanford.

‘There are different types of Witches, Dean.’ Sam stated, rolling his eyes at his brother’s closed mind. He wanted, no, needed to ask the question.

‘Why did I come back?’ He asked quietly, looking up to Dean. His brother seemed confused, face screwing up.

‘I was at Stanford. Why did I come back?’ Guilt. That was the look that passed across his brother’s face, and Sam knew this wasn’t good news.

‘I asked you to. Dad went missing, I came to get you the week before a big interview. When we got back… Jess… She died. The same Demon that got Mom.’ Sam processed the information, trying to understand. The interview was on Monday, next Monday. Which meant his brother was coming to get him soon, and that he would never get to propose to Jess on Sunday evening like he planned, when they went out to celebrate the anniversary of him not jumping off a roof.

‘I see.’ He didn’t see. Dean continued explaining how the Demon, Azazel, went on to be a pain, but they managed to kill him. Azazel, yellow eyes, the thing that Sam used to dream about? His head hurt, stinging as he tried to stop the mass guilt, grief and confusion. Jess died not knowing he was going to propose. He lost his child. Sam bit his lip, silent tears falling.

‘Sam, man… I’m sorry about Jess.’ Dean didn’t know. He figured that out almost instantly, Dean didn’t know that Jess was pregnant. Didn’t know that Sam had been about to propose. And he, stupidly, had run after his brother when he had called. Dean had come to pick him up to save their dad who, from the sounds of it, didn’t want to be found. He lost Jess because of it, his future wife and their baby. His anger started to build, glaring at the brother that had called him horrible things as he left, but had strolled right back into his life like nothing had ever separated them. And Sam, ever foolish when it came to his brother, was stupid enough to go with him.

‘You should be.’ He snarled, remembering the time he stood on top of the building, wind rushing around as he stared at the ground below. The feeling of euphoria, the utter belief he was doing something that was right. Dean looked shocked by his anger, but Sam knew better than to say anything. Dean wouldn’t understand.

‘You’ll grow up in a couple of days.’ Dean finally said, and Sam watched him. Guilt started flooding through, Sam was never good at staying mad at his brother. If Dean didn’t know, then it was Sam’s fault for leaving his girlfriend. Plus, he’d been having the dreams for days now. He should have known to save Jess.

‘You didn’t know, did you?’ He quietly asked, staring at the man that was his brother. Dean’s face screwed up, and Sam realised he was right. He took the ring from his pocket, skidding it across the table. His brother’s eyes widened, mouth dropping open but he didn’t speak.

‘Booked a nice restaurant for Sunday. Used all my savings. Well, almost all of them.’ Dean just stared at him, the entire room silent. Sam felt the tears threaten to start again, so reached into his back pocket.

‘Sam, other Sam, older Sam, kept this. I guess he’s as bad with guilt as I am.’ He chucked the ultrasound picture forwards, remembering when Jess had told him. Her bright smile, the way she kept a hand pressed to her stomach. Their baby. The one they had spent an entire day trying to name, Sam braiding Jess’s hair as they discussed. Harry Dean Winchester, or Emily Mary Winchester. Jess picked the first names, Sam picked the middle. Dean’s fingers were shaking as he picked up the scan, not taking his eyes off it.

Sam had dealt with worse. That was what he told himself as he put the ring back in his pocket, then took the photo from his brother’s hand. He could do this, he’d dealt with worse. Jess had been his anchor, now he would find a new one. He had plenty of time, he just needed to calm down.

‘Sammy…’

‘Forget it, Dean.’ Sam stated, not wanting to hear what his brother was going to say.

‘I’m going for a shower.’ He finally said, leaving the room in the direction of the room that was his. He barely made it in time to stop the tears, that now ran down his cheeks as he slumped onto the bed, chest aching as he sobbed. Jess, his Jess.


	13. Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Er, some Destiel. And a bad ending, sorry

Dean was making a list. A list of things he was going to ask Sam when he was back to being himself. Castiel sat next to him in the Bunker, the others also around the table, watching Dean as he wrote his questions.

  * **What happened with the guy in the truck?**
  * **When did the dreams about yellow-eyes start, and why did he never speak about the fact he had freaky mojo?**
  * **How long had the cutting been happening for?**
  * **Why didn’t he say anything about Jess?**
  * **Since when can he speak Enochian?**
  * **Why can he see Angel’s Grace?**



Dean stared at his list, deciding that for now, he was happy with it. When Sam went back to being his Sam, he could answer those. Or, if he didn’t, Dean would find some way to make him answer them.

Twenty-two-year-old Sam walked out, hair still damp from the shower, not wearing flannel. Dean would have made some joke about him not being part of the family, but he could clearly remember what he had said to Sam before he’d left for Stanford, and he wasn’t sure that was the best idea. Not at all.

‘Am I allowed to leave the Bunker?’ Sam asked, Dean staring at the faint scars he’d never noticed on his brother’s arms. Now that he thought about it, Sam rarely wore short-sleeves. Was Dean always this blind?

‘Sure, as long as someone goes with you.’ Sam huffed at that, but didn’t directly argue. He looked around the room, before a slightly smug looked crossed his face.

‘Fine, I choose Rowena.’ Dean glared, knowing his brother had done that to piss him off. He didn’t say anything, Rowena smiling sweetly at him as she stood up.

‘Why Samuel, you have great taste.’ She commented, running a hand across one of his arms almost seductively. Dean would have ripped her apart for touching his little brother like that, but Sam just rolled his eyes.

‘I’m going to the Garage.’ Dean didn’t ask, knowing he couldn’t take Baby because he had the keys. Rowena followed him, the two disappearing out of the room.

‘Sam seems a little moody.’ Castiel commented, looking to Dean. He sighed, feeling awful about what happened to Jess. He would have been an Uncle, he thought, as he remembered the day he’d gone to Stanford to collect his little brother.

‘I didn’t exactly say the nicest things to him the last time we were face to face.’ Dean commented, feeling guilty. He’d been so obsessed with following Dad’s orders, he’d never really stopped to look at what would happen to Sam.

‘Why?’ Mary inquired, taking a seat. She didn’t look mad, just curious as she took his hand, grounding him. Dean thought back to when John found the acceptance letter, remembered how his father had shouted till he was red in the face.

‘Sam didn’t tell us. Me and Dad had no idea, and he was adamant. I guess I was too stubborn to see he deserved to go to college, but when Dad told him if he left he couldn’t come back…’ Dean swallowed, thinking of that dreadful moment when Sam had stared at Dean, hoping for his older brother to back him up. He didn’t, just watched as his baby brother walked out of the door. ‘He called me, at least three times in the first month. Every time he did I ignored it, until I came home to find Dad sitting with my phone. I didn’t know what he said to Sam, but he didn’t call again.’ Dean picked up the pen, turning to the list.

  * **What did Dad say on the phone at Stanford?**



It seemed insignificant, apart from the fact that now that he thought about it, Sam had never really spoken that much about Stanford. Granted, Dean didn’t ask. That was because the memory was a sore spot for both of them, but Dean felt like that was a mistake.

The day trickled by slowly, Dean entertaining himself by tracking the Witch that had cursed his brother, Castiel assisting. Dean wanted to ask what Lucifer and Gabriel were saying, the two were sitting in the library chattering in Enochian. Gabriel was curled up on Lucifer’s lap, the Devil playing with the Trickster’s hair casually as they spoke. Although Dean couldn’t see them, he presumed Lucifer had his wings curled around the two of them.

‘I am not familiar with that strain of Enochian, it is only spoken by the Archangels and God.’ Castiel stated, and Dean realised he had been staring for slightly too long. Ignoring the blood rushing to his cheeks, he turned to look at his boyfriend. Cas stared back, blue eyes inquiring as he smiled softly. Dean reached for him, taking the Angel’s hand and pulling him close. By now, Dean knew exactly how his body fit against Cas’s, and loved it.

Cas took that as invitation, pressing his lips firmly against Dean’s. He gasped, allowing entrance to Cas as the kiss deepened, an arm wrapping around his waist as the Seraph pushed him back against the library table. It was hardly private, but Dean couldn’t find it in him to care as he tangled his fingers through Cas’s hair, loving the way it looked when it got messed up. Sex-hair, he called it on multiple occasions. Castiel moved to kissing along his jaw, Dean reaching up to hold the Angel’s shoulders as his head dipped to Dean’s neck, sucking gently over the pulse point. Dean let out a moan rivalling a porn-star, before looking across to see the Archangels had abandoned the library.

Good. Cas reached for Dean’s shirt, pulling it off his body as the files went crashing to the floor, Dean not really caring as the Angel tore his own shirt off. Shakily, Dean tried to undo the Angel’s belt, only for his hands to be batted away by his boyfriend. He hated being submissive in front of people, but right now, he really didn’t see what the problem was. It felt great, allowing Cas to move his jeans and boxers down to his ankles and spin him round, Dean gripping the edge of the library table. Cas was behind him, biting and sucking marks onto his neck as he used Grace to prepare Dean. Usually, the Angel spent a great deal of time on foreplay, but Dean was happy for the urgency.

Not once did it cross his mind that he shouldn’t be doing this in the library, considering anyone could walk in. Any doubt was gone, considering how good Cas looked shirtless, his jeans slack but not gone, hair ruffled as he manhandled Dean exactly how he wanted him. Dean bit his lip as the Angel pushed in, relaxing his body as the burn made his nerves tingle. A hand covered his right hand, a sign of affection as the other hand came to rest on Dean’s lower back, urging him to press down onto the table. Dean listened, lowering his body and submitting to the Seraph, who was quick to reward him.

The sound of slapping skin and Dean’s breathless moans filled the library, he was gripping the table hard enough that his knuckles had gone white. He gasped as Castiel angled for his prostate, moaning wantonly as he picked up pace. It didn’t take long for Dean to cum, untouched, spilling all over the table and the floor. Castiel grunted, pulling Dean up and resting his head on his shoulder as his movements became jerky, spilling inside him.

They didn’t speak as they got dressed, Cas using his Grace to clean up the mess they had made, and clean up Dean. The first time the Angel had done it, he had squealed with horror. It felt weird, having Grace do that, but now he was used to it. With the files set back on the desk, Cas kissed him deeply, a satisfied smile across his lips.

‘Done, baby bro?’ Gabriel called, walking through the library with a smirk. Dean tried to fight the blush, but Castiel never had the ability to be embarrassed about such a thing. Probably going to say something about how he had evidently finished, Dean cut in,

‘Have you heard anything from Sam?’ Back to big-brother mode, Dean looked at the Archangel, who shook his head. Dean checked his phone, only to find two missed calls from his brother. Fuck. He dialled the number, feeling the worry set in as it rang.

‘Dean?’ The Scottish accent of the Witch filled the phone, and Dean’s heart sunk.

‘Rowena? Where’s my brother?’ Gabriel, noting the worry, had disappeared from the room. Probably to get Lucifer and Mom.

‘Dean, he’s…’ The sound was cut off, before a different voice filled the phone,

‘Hello, Dean Winchester.’ He didn’t recognise the voice, putting the phone on speaker, but Cas was shaking his head as well. He gestured to the laptop, Cas getting the hint to track the phone.

‘Who is this?’ He asked, figuring if someone had his baby brother, it paid to be polite.

‘Oh, you don’t know me. Just a normal Demon, looking to piss of the King of Hell. Thought I got lucky when I saw the Witch, but then, wow. Sam Winchester, sure, a little young, but still the same kid.’ Gabriel and Lucifer had appeared in the room, Mary hot on their heels. Dean felt his stomach twist, that was his brother someone had laid their grubby hands on.

‘See, what got me was how young he is! And it had me thinking, what better way to hurt Dean Winchester, than to hurt his little brother!’ Dean snarled, gripping the phone tighter,

‘If you lay a hand on him…’

‘Oh be quiet, I have all the cards here. I want the King of Hell. I’ll text you the location. For now, I’m going to enjoy telling your brother about all the naughty things he does in his later life.’ The phone hung up, and Dean looked to the Angels and his Mom.

‘We’ll find him. Call Crowley.’ Castiel stated, looking to Dean. He found the number, dialling it hesitantly.

‘Squirrel, always a delight.’

‘A demon took Sam and Rowena. They want you.’ He didn’t waste time, he just hoped that Crowley would hate rogue Demons enough to help them. The phone went silent, before Crowley appeared right next to him. The Hunter jumped, glaring at the King as he hung up the phone, tucking it back into the suit.

‘Tell me everything.’


	14. In pain, Sammy?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trip out of the Bunker with Rowena

Sam had picked a motorbike. He’d driven them quite a bit at Stanford, so was more than happy to chose one from the Bunker’s extensive collection. Rowena had climbed up behind him, wrapping one hand around his waist and the other to the handle. The drive was peaceful, it didn’t take them long to reach an actual civilisation.

‘Where to first?’ He asked her, figuring it polite. The Witch smiled, taking his arm and leading him towards an odd junk store that had weird markings in the window. He recognised them vaguely, before looking to Rowena with a confused expression.

‘They’re from the spell book I have, Samuel.’ That didn’t explain how he knew, but he decided against arguing and just followed. Sure enough, when the man saw her, he took them through to the back. Tiny jars lining the walls, filled with God knows what. Sam explored, staring at the different labels and trying to memorise what he could. When he found an old looking handle, that appeared to be missing a blade, he admired it. The sketching’s on the side were Enochian, he figured out, they looked like the ones he’d seen in a book in his room. He didn’t really want to know why he could translate that stuff.

**Strength. Promise. Hope. Healing. Guidance.**

He stared at it for a long time, wondering where the blade was. Wondering what the blade was for.

‘Ah, bit of rubbish. Couldn’t find the translations for it.’ He stated, and for the briefest of moments, Sam thought that he had seen something similar to this. His head told him that the Archangels would know, so he picked it up gently.

‘Where did you get it?’ He inquired, noting how Rowena was picking up lots of jars.

‘Big drop-off from a Demon in return for some souls.’ Sam wondered if this guy had any idea of who he was, considering he’d just admitted selling souls. Souls. Was that even possible? How did a soul become separate from a body? His mind stung thinking about it, and he realised the Demon must have not understood what it said.

‘Can I have it?’ He asked, thinking that maybe Gabriel would be able to tell him why he was so interested in Angel things. The man stared at him, before shrugging.

‘Any friend of Rowena is a friend of mine.’ He tucked it away, before the man turned back to Rowena, who had finished her shopping. The satchel she had put the stuff in disappeared, and the man went to protest, when she held up a red-nailed finger.

‘Ah, no. This man here is my insurance. Daven, meet Samuel Winchester.’ Sam watched the man’s face go white, before he hurriedly tried to shoo them out the door. Rowena laughed, gripping Sam’s arm as he led them from the shop. Outside on the pavement, the Witch burst into tearful laughter, so hard that Sam struggled to keep the smile off his face.

‘Did you plan that?’ He asked, staring at the Witch fondly. He figured they were friends, she seemed to be someone he would get along with. Once he’d gotten over the Witch part.

‘Maybe.’ She stated, Scottish accent heavy as they walked back towards the bike. Sam stopped, feeling something inside him stir. He turned, gripping Rowena around the waist and pulling her close. He figured she would have laughed, made some flirtatious remark, had it not been for the bullet that went whizzing past where she had been standing. He tugged her behind the building, reaching for the gun that was sitting in his belt.

‘Demons.’ Rowena stated, eyes widening in horror. Sam stared at her, wondering why her son would send Demons after her.

‘Rowena MacLeod. The perfect bait for the King.’ Considering what Rowena had told him, Sam highly doubted that. The Demon rose his head, looking to Sam, who was realising he was seriously under-equipped.

‘Impossible, Sam Winchester? So young.’ He commented, and Sam watched as more Demons appeared. He was terrified, but he supposed his elder self must be more used to it. Rowena opened her mouth, but something hit her in the side of the neck. He gasped, reaching for the Witch as she sunk down. He caught her body, scooping her up as if she weighed nothing. He couldn’t fight them, he didn’t have any weapons, and he was really regretting coming out now. The Demon grinned, raising a gun. Sam flinched, but was more surprised when it didn’t go off. Instead, it hit him in the side of his head and he blacked out, crumpling to the floor with Rowena on top of him.

 

This was hardly his first rodeo, but he felt severely annoyed at his mind for not remembering what happened in the eight years he was missing. For one thing, everyone and his bloody dog seemed to know who he was. Also, one could only be called “the boy with demon blood” before he figured it out. Someone had called Dean, his brother no doubt was pissed enough at Sam for getting himself in this mess. Rowena was tied up, looking slightly better than Sam, but still.

‘Why do they call me the boy with demon blood?’ He asked politely, staring at her. She studied him, before nodding. She didn’t need to speak, he just needed confirmation. Mild thoughts crossed his head, images of a dark-haired woman and blood and crappy motel rooms. **_Black eyes, smoke, Sam chained to a sink_**. He tried to concentrate, tried to see what he was missing. His body felt horrible, twisting and turning as if he was trying to morph into something else.

 ** _The Bunker. Castiel healing them. Lucifer. Cage. Dean dying_**. Sam swore, ducking his head as he tried to stop the memories he had previously asked for. His head pounded, even Rowena looked concerned, and the Demon closest to him smiled.

‘In pain, Sammy?’ **_Dean. The Impala. Beer. Bobby. Hell._** He ignored the Demon, trying to free himself of the bonds that were so very painful. He turned his concentration to the room, taking in the wooden beams and metal chains and the many Demons in the room. His eyes turned to the table, a blade sitting on it that looked weird. He looked to Rowena, then back to the blade.

‘Angel Blade. Can kill a Demon.’ She mumbled under her breath, just loud enough for him to hear it. Sam felt the plan forming, even if it was a pretty crappy one. **_Ruby. Blood. Neck. ‘hopped up on demon blood’ Panic room. Sioux Falls._** Sam knew this was a pretty bad idea, but hey, nothing like a shitty plan.


	15. Vampire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean gets chained up. Sam comes to the rescue

They had walked into it, expecting to win. Surprisingly, they hadn’t. Well, actually it wasn’t that surprising. Gabriel was chained up, Angel-cuffs preventing him from moving. Lucifer suffered the same fate, both surrounded by Holy Oil. Castiel was chained up, no holy oil, but he wasn’t going anywhere. Mom was chained to a chair, as was Dean, but the concerning thing about all of this was his brother. Sam was crying out in pain, and nobody was touching him. Sweat sticking his shirt to his body, muscles writhing, the Demons looking amused.

Crowley was in the centre, cuffs around his wrists, blood trickling from the wound on his side. He’s been beaten badly, and now it seemed like they were all going to die. The Demon, Isriel, looked amused with the current situation. His gaze flicked between Sam and Crowley, evidently finding the situation funny.

‘Anti-possession tattoos, pretty funky.’ He commented, walking across to Dean. His shirt was yanked aside, the tattoo showing, and the Demon ran a nail across it. Dean didn’t flinch, but knew that if they removed it, he would be in trouble. His brother had stopped thrashing, eyes meeting Dean’s, and he was surprised to see that his baby brother looked different. Older. The peace on Sam’s face changed quickly, his body tensing back up. Isriel turned, walking back to the centre of the room.

‘With the death of Crowley, I become King of Hell. With the death of the Winchesters, I protect my throne. And with the death of the Angels, I save myself.’ Dean couldn’t really fault the logic, the Demon had a good point. Rowena wisely stayed quiet, although he wasn’t quite sure why she wasn’t doing anything. Didn’t she have any weird magic she could do?

‘You shouldn’t underestimate the Winchesters.’ Crowley remarked, raising his head just to get a punch to the face. The demon smirked, looking up.

‘I can do this all day.’ Isriel chuckled, looking to the blade on the table.

‘The Winchesters are tied up. The Righteous Man isn’t doing a lot, his mother is in chains, and the Boy-King is looking pretty peachy.’ Isriel turned, looking to Sam, who rose his head. His face was contorted in pain, eyes wide, but he didn’t say anything.

‘Do you remember yet Sam? Remember what you could have been?’ Sam cried out again, biting down hard enough on his lip to cut it. Dean snarled, thrashing against the restraints.

‘Leave him alone you stupid demon dick.’ Isriel walked across, and Dean really did regret speaking. Castiel looked like he wanted to speak up, but Dean shot him a look. It really wasn’t a good idea to piss him off anymore.

‘Let’s show Dean what happens when we don’t respect others.’ Isriel stated, turning round to face one of the other Demons. He snapped to attention, waiting patiently.

‘Is the fire started?’ Isriel asked, and Dean looked to the fire they were talking about. He presumed it was so that when they were dead, the bodies were burnt.

‘Yes Sir.’ Dean started to panic, what if it wasn’t for dead people?

‘Burn the brand of Sam. Possess him, then kill the Winchesters.’ Isriel looked smug, Dean looked horrified. The Demon hesitated, looking unsure.

‘Sir? The Winchester managed to control Lucifer, are you…’

‘Do it.’ Isriel snapped, the Demon bowing his head and scurrying across to the fire. The poker looked pretty ugly, red hot, and Dean hissed as it was brought towards his brother. Strangely, Sam looked relatively okay with being burnt. His head tipped back, but no sound came as the tattoo was burnt off. Sam’s lips moved, the Demon hesitating before moving closer to hear what he was saying.

Dean watched in mild horror as his brother bit down into the Demon, teeth sinking into his neck. Isriel turned, evidently annoyed, and the Demon pulled away. Sam sighed slightly, one hand flexing and, like magic, the angel blade flew across the room into his grip. He cut the rope above his head, the two Demons looking to each other then back at his baby brother. There were way too many, Sam couldn’t take them all.

‘NOW, ROWENA!’ He chucked the blade, before his hand twisted and the first Demon screamed. Others poured in, and Dean couldn’t see his baby brother, but Rowena was putting out the fire of the Angels and untying them, dragging them towards the back of the room. The Witch reached Dean, who went to his mother as soon as he was untied.

The Demons were falling. Even Isriel. Dean watched as the last Demon dropped, Sam standing in the middle of the bodies, staring at them. The vessels weren’t moving, so Dean presumed they were dead. His brother looked up to him and Dean flinched, his eyes were jet black. Sam scowled, walking forwards towards Crowley. Dean wouldn’t stop him if he decided to kill him, but he was surprised when Sam reached down, gripping the cuffs and snapping them. Snapping them. Like they weren’t supposed to withstand power like that. Dean stared down at the ground, realising Rowena had drawn a Devil’s trap in front of the door. Crowley looked mildly annoyed, before re-appearing on the other side.

Dean stepped out of the building, watching his brother step into the Devil’s trap and then walk to the edge. Dean held his breath, watched as Sam stepped out, hazel eyes meeting his.

‘Sorry, De.’ He muttered, taking a shaky step forwards. Dean did the same, reaching for his brother.

‘I get why you called me a vampire.’ Dean caught Sam as he fell, gripping onto him as tightly as he could, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in his stomach. His brother didn’t stir, and Dean held him tightly, wishing that none of this had ever happened.

 

His brother was in bed, tucked up safely, chained down. Lucifer, Gabriel and Castiel had assured him that there was no Demon blood left in his system, and Rowena had commented on how the spell had worn out, so his brother was back to being him. Nobody knew if Sam would remember what happened, or whether he would be alright. Crowley had disappeared, which wasn’t surprising, and Dean wasn’t leaving his side. He felt bad for what he’d done, for not listening to his brother. He felt like he knew nothing of him, that his brother was practically a stranger.

  * **What did Chuck come to the Bunker for him?**



Dean looked down at the list, wondering if his brother would actually bother to answer any of them. He hoped he would, but Sam wasn’t great at telling him when things were wrong. Not until they got beyond the point of redemption. Dean looked to his baby brother, fast asleep on his bed, long hair half-obscuring his face. He looked peaceful, Dean thought, as he sat there and kept watch.


	16. M'sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam tries to apologise

When Sam fell asleep, well actually was knocked out, he was fighting a Witch. He watched as the Witch turned to Castiel, something flying at him that Sam didn’t even hesitate to step in front of. He heard Cas shout his name, the Witch laugh, and then silence.

When Sam woke up, he was back in the Bunker. His head hurt, filled with memories that he had a strange feeling must be true, including an unfortunate incident when he was only four. Wondering if bleaching his eyes was a possibility, the youngest Winchester looked around the room. His brother was asleep in the nearby chair, head tilted to the side and his mouth open slightly. Sam smiled, remembering the pancakes and the hugs Dean had given the younger version of him.

It was then that he noted that he was chained to the bed, pushing his mind to remember what had happened before he had fallen asleep. He remembered taking one of the bikes out, Rowena and him going to the shop. His mind pushed harder to remember, images of a Demon threatening his brother, of Crowley chained up and bleeding. Isriel, the Demon. He’d killed him, hand outstretched as he used what Ruby had taught him.

Ah, Dean was going to kill him. Sam sighed, pressing his head back to the pillow. His brother was on psycho-watch duty, making sure Sam didn’t fuck up any more. The Winchester sighed, staring at his brother, and wondering how long he was going to be shouted at for. He deserved it, evidently, for drinking Demon Blood. Big mistake, even if it worked to get them out of the situation. His brother had called him a vampire last time, and that was when he was obsessed and high. This was different, he had a choice, and chose wrong.

It wasn’t hard to undo the cuffs, Sam always kept a bobby-pin close to the bed. Issue was, his brother had cat-like reflexes, it didn’t take a lot for him to wake up, and the last thing Sam wanted was for his brother to see him sneaking out of the room like a criminal. Rubbing his wrists, he leant across to the drawer, careful to keep his movements silent. The knife was where he left it, and he figured he should make sure his blood was still red. Most of his worst nightmares involved him bleeding the horrible black blood.

Pressing the knife down against his forearm, he watched as the blade glided across skin, red pooling under the blade and dripping down. Sam sighed in relief, watching the blood as it fell.

‘Sam!’ A hand wrapped around his wrist, yanking back the knife pressed against his skin. Sam figured he might be in some form of shock, because his body wasn’t responding the way he wanted to, even when his brother’s angry face stared right at him.

‘M’sorry.’ He muttered, watching as Dean started trying to stop the bleeding with a piece of fabric he’d ripped off his shirt. His brother didn’t speak, wrapping the cut tightly as Sam sat there, wondering if Dean had heard the apology.

‘M’sorry Dean. Really sorry.’ Dean had heard him, because his eyes flicked up to Sam’s for a moment, before the attention turned back to the cut. Sam held still, waiting for the abuse for drinking the blood. His brother, however, just sat back on his chair. Dean ran his hands through his hair, a frown etched on his stern face. Sam didn’t bother fighting, he just held still.

‘Sam…’

‘I know, I’m sorry.’ He didn’t want to hear his brother say all the things he had said before, the Winchester wasn’t entirely sure he was strong enough to listen to those words. Dean stared at him for a long time, before his gaze dropped to the cut. Sam realised he was waiting for an explanation, and took a deep breath.

‘I wanted to make sure it was red.’ Dean blinked, then seemed to catch on. His face screwed up slightly, and Sam didn’t know whether or not to run. He sat still, waiting for the inevitable judgement from his big brother.

‘I’m sorry.’ Dean finally said, not looking at Sam. He tried to understand why his brother apologised, but he couldn’t.

‘Why?’ Sam mumbled, feeling like he should be down on his knees grovelling for an apology, yet Dean was giving one freely.

‘I never listened to you. I tried to control you, rather than understanding.’ Dean remarked, finally looking in his eye. Sam tried to control the racing heart, he was alright dealing with his brother until he started trying to forgive Sam. Digging his nails into his palm, telling himself that this would be over soon once Dean had gotten out whatever he wanted to say, he shut up and listened to his brother.

‘Say something, Sammy.’ Dean stated, the childhood nickname making Sam’s heart clench. He rarely called him that, not since all the mistakes he’d made in his life.

‘Okay.’ Sam remarked, his chest threatening to speed, body heaving. Dean just stared at him, his face completely calm.

‘Sammy…’ Sam’s heart burst, and he couldn’t take it.

‘Please don’t…’ Sam muttered, gripping the edge of the bed as his chest started to tighten, vison swimming as he tried to stop the oncoming panic attack. His brother was by his side in seconds, a hand placed on his shoulder and the other tipping is head towards Dean. Green eyes studied him, taking his hand and stopping it from digging in to his own skin.

‘Easy, Sammy. I’ve got you.’ His voice was low, calming as Sam tried to get his breathing back in control, leaning forwards to rest his head on the shoulder of his brother. The smell of oil and the Impala and spice but most importantly HOME filtered through his mind, steadying his chest and his mind as he kept his brother close, trying to understand what was happening.

‘M’sorry.’ He said again, waiting for his brother to understand. He really was sorry, he couldn’t make it up to his brother, and he had every right to kick him out of the Bunker. He hoped he wouldn’t, he liked it here, liked having Dean and Mom around. Liked having the Angels, and Rowena, hell even Crowley. Tears stained the shirt as Sam remained pressed against his big brother, not letting go. Never letting go. Not until Dean made him.

‘Sam, you don’t need to apologise.’ Dean said quietly, pulling back. Sam instantly missed the warmth, missed everything about Dean, but wiped the tears sharpish and pulled in the emotions threatening to bubble over. He then remembered that the others hadn’t looked in great shape when they’d been captured, and he realised how selfish he was being. Dean was stuck watching him, but Castiel had been injured, and Dean would surely want to be with him.

‘How are the others? Cas?’ He blurted, staring at his brother as his face twisted in confusion.

‘They’re fine Sammy, but…’

‘Great, I’m starving.’ Sam cut his brother off, standing up and ignoring the fact that his head threatened to reacquaint them with the floor. Dean watched him silently, as if he knew that Sam wasn’t right, but didn’t say anything as Sam walked out of the door. Grinning victoriously, the youngest Winchester headed towards the kitchen. He could do this.


	17. Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam talks to his brother, then flees

Dean sat in the library, watching how his brother skirted around every single question that could possibly be asked, managing to find them a case to distract them. Dean had been surprised to see Sam genuinely relieved that Cas was alright, the Angel telling him that it was foolish to jump in front of the hex, and Sam shrugging and stating that it didn’t really matter, because he was alive now.

Rowena left that morning, although Dean really wasn’t that fussed about the Witch, he knew that his brother was. They walked out together, heads close as they mumbled words that nobody else could hear. Dean sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose to stem the oncoming headache. Looking across to the Archangels, they looked just as bothered by Sam’s attitude as he was. Mom had kept quiet, not really saying anything about the situation.

‘Sam, can I have a word?’ Dean asked, and his brother nodded. Alone in the kitchen, he turned to his younger sibling, trying to contain the anger that he felt. Younger Sam was easier to handle than this, less good at hiding things, he supposed.

‘Look, during the curse, I got to learn a lot of things I didn’t know about you.’ Sam instantly had his guard up, it was almost like it was physically there, and Dean sighed.

‘I made a list of questions. I don’t… look. I want the answers, but I get that you might not want to answer them. So, I’ll give you time.’ He took out the folded piece of paper, handing it to Sam. His brother nodded, watching Dean walk out of the kitchen. Back in the library, Dean looked to the Angels, then to his Mom, and sank down into the chair. When had life got so difficult? Why was Sam making this so much harder than it needed to be?

 

*Sam*

**1) What happened with the guy in the truck?**

**2) When did the dreams about yellow-eyes start, and why did he never speak about the fact he had freaky mojo?**

**3) How long had the cutting been happening for?**

**4) Why didn’t he say anything about Jess?**

**5) Since when can he speak Enochian?**

**6) Why can he see Angel’s Grace?**

**7) What did Dad say on the phone at Stanford?**

**8) What did Chuck come to the Bunker for him?**

Sam stood in the kitchen, read the list twice, then sighed. He wasn’t entirely sure why his brother was being so… pushy. It made him want to lash out, to push his brother over the edge. If Dean was going to kick him out of the Bunker, why was he bothering with all of this first?

Two could play whatever game Dean was trying to win, and Sam wasn’t going to lose. If he told his brother these things, then he would be kicked from the Bunker, and he could work on… well. He wasn’t entirely sure what he would do without his brother, theory suggested he’d run off the rails. Mystery Spot, Dean in Hell, Dean in Purgatory, Metatron killing Dean, Demon Dean, Dean telling him to pick a hemisphere, Dean calling Benny more of a brother than he was. Dean not listening to him when he tried to explain Stanford.

Sam ran a hand through his hair, confirming the answers to all of them mentally. Number three would be awkward, number four pretty sad. Seven he would lie a little, just enough to keep Dean and Mom happy, and number eight would be the straw that got him kicked out. It seemed like enough, he considered, to end the relationship between him and the Bunker’s inhabitants.

He basically tore into the library, startling his brother almost out of the chair as he pulled out the one opposite and sat down.

‘No, don’t start.’ He stated when Dean went to open his mouth, and then got a glare from Dean at being cut off.

‘Just shut up, and listen.’ Sam rarely got properly angry with his brother, not when Dean wasn’t actually doing anything wrong. His brother just stared at him, as were the Angels and Mom, who at least had the decency to not try and hide the fact that they were listening.

‘Number 1. Dude got handsy, I punched him like you taught me, then jumped. Number 2. As early as I could remember. Mom hanging on the ceiling, blood dripping. Full nine yards. And you and Dad were obsessed with killing freaks, I wasn’t going to tell you that I was one. Number 3. Since I was thirteen. Stopped after Cas took the memories from Hell. Number 4. It didn’t matter, Jess was gone, and there was no point telling you something that wasn’t going to happen. Number 5. Since the Cage, obviously. Number 6. Actually, this one I never understood. I learnt to block it out pretty quickly, and I never knew about it because we didn’t meet Angels until after I’d shut it off. Number 7, basically that I shouldn’t bother wasting your time anymore. Number 8. To stop me doing something stupid. Seven times before, at fifteen and eighteen. Then once at Stanford. Mystery Spot. Once you’d gone to Hell. After the whole ‘pick a hemisphere’ thing. Then once you went to Purgatory. Each time I tried to kill myself, succeeded, and God brought me back. Done.’ Sam threw his chair back dramatically, turning away from his elder brother without looking, and left.

He took the bike that had somehow been brought back, racing off into the night, not thinking about a lot as he sped away. He needed a drink, needed time to sleep. Needed to be as far away from Dean as possible, because he wasn’t entirely sure he could face the look of rejection on his brother’s face. He’d already turned of GPS, dumped the phone, and checked his Jacket and bike for any trackers. Happy that there were none, Sam eventually stopped, pulling up at a crappy motel. Just like old times, he thought with a slight pang of sadness, walking into the building. Maybe his brother couldn’t forgive him, hell, Sam couldn’t forgive himself.

Emily Mary Winchester, or Harry Dean Winchester. The kid that he had lost, that had been his future. Jess. That had been his shot of getting out, and it proved that he really wasn’t worth the effort. If destiny had decided that Sam Winchester was going to be a crappy Hunter for the rest of his life, then so be it. For the briefest of moments, Sam looked across to his gun, before shoving the thought down to the back of his mind.

He stared at the handle to the weapon that he had got from that shop with Rowena. He was going to give it to Gabriel, but now he’d never have the chance, and he missed it. Missed them, bot Gabe and Luci, who had been by his side over these past six months to keep him happy. Not that he really deserved happiness, but it had been nice to imagine. Sam, taking one last look at the gun, curled up on the bed and cried, cried for everything he had lost, and prayed to find the strength to survive.


	18. Octopus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Second to last chapter! (with the possibility of an epilogue).

Dean found him first. Curled up on a crappy motel floor, his baby brother passed out from alcohol consumption, Dean diving down onto the floor beside him and scooping his body up. Hair clung to Sam’s face, sweat-soaked, and Dean held his brother’s face, scolding himself for letting it get this far. He ignored the gun that Sam was holding, prying it slowly from his fingers. Then, for the first time in a while, Dean cried. Tears, dripping down his face and landing on the edge of Sam’s shirt, soaking through to the skin.

That was how they remained, Sam passed out, Dean holding him like his life depended on it. That was how Castiel found them four hours later, the elder Winchester red-eyed and shaking slightly, fingers still wrapped into fabric, terrified of letting his brother go. The Angel sunk down beside his boyfriend, placing a hand onto Sam’s temple and removing what he could of the pain and agony. The silence continued, remaining until the two Archangels joined the group.

Finally, Castiel pulled his boyfriend away from Sam’s unconscious form, despite how much Dean fought to be back by his side. Gabriel crouched down, pressing two fingers to his baby brother’s temple, and Sam’s face instantly relaxed. Lucifer looked between the four of them, all on the floor, and explained that they should be going home. Back to the Bunker. Dean agreed, handing Castiel his car keys. He didn’t even think about it, getting into the back of the car next to his brother, keeping Sam’s head in his lap.

Despite the Angels’ protests, it was Dean that manoeuvred his Giant brother through to the bathroom, stripping him down methodically and washing away the alcohol-sweat, dressing him and carrying him back to his room. Once he was in bed, Dean climbed in beside him, wrapping an arm around his brother’s waist like they did when they were kids. Even though Sam was a giant, Dean still made sure that his brother was the little spoon, just so that Dean could keep him safe.

He thought, just for a moment, about taking away the guns in this room. Dean thought to how he had found his brother, the gun in his palm, and wondered whether taking them away would be for the best. Then, staring down as Sam unconsciously snuggled closer to Dean, he shook his head. His brother didn’t need coddling, he just needed to know that Dean didn’t blame him. That Dean still wanted him here. Taking away the guns would just prove that Dean didn’t trust Sam, and it was what made the entire thing worse. And it wasn’t true, Dean trusted Sam with his life.

Sleep came with difficulty, but eventually he managed to fall asleep, the heat of his baby brother keeping away the cold of the situation. When he slipped into unconsciousness, it was straight into a dreamless state.

He woke when he felt Sam move, instinctively gripping his brother tighter to prevent him leaving. He didn’t want to lose him, not again. Sam sighed, evidently awake, but Dean kept his eyes shut tightly. Sam relaxed back against him, the smell of that stupid coconut shampoo that he loved taking over. Dean smiled slightly, hearing his brother grumble like he normally did.

‘And you call me the octopus.’ He mumbled, but settled back. Dean huffed, flicking his eyes open and tensing each muscle, before he finally focused on his brother.

‘I don’t wrap my limbs around you.’ Dean provided, his brother smiling up at him as Dean rolled to the side. Sam sat up, reaching for fresh clothes, and Dean turned to give him privacy. Once he cleared his throat, Dean turned to see Sam standing there, fiddling with the edge of the flannel like he was nervous.

‘I’m sorry…’ Sam started, but Dean shot up, silencing the younger.

‘No. Don’t, you don’t need to apologise. Ever. I didn’t make it clear… clear that I still want you here. Hell, Sammy, I NEED you here. Hunting, it’s what I’ve always done, but I don’t want to do it without you. I can’t do it without you. It should be me standing there apologising, I never noticed what you were going through, and I’m supposed to be your big brother. I need you here, Sammy.’ Dean avoided staring right at his brother, knowing this went against every chick-flic rule that he had.

‘And I’m sorry for running… I thought… Can we start this again?’ Sam asked, those stupid puppy-dog eyes pleading. Dean could have laughed, for all his many years of life, he had never been able to say no to that face. Almost as iconic as the Bitchfaces.

‘Yeah, Sammy. We can start this again. But you’ve got to promise that you’ll talk to me, if you feel like… that.’ A lame way to put it, but he didn’t know how to say it. Did he need to take his brother to an actual counsellor? He’d speak to Cas, Angels were good at identifying crap like that. No, not crap.

‘Never thought I’d see the day that Dean Winchester asked for chick-flic moments.’ Sam said, smiling. Dean grinned, before rolling his eyes.

‘Yeah, shut it, bitch.’ He stated fondly, watching Sam’s smile spread. He couldn’t actually remember, smaller him’s excluded, when the last time Sam properly smiled was. Dean remembered it being his life-mission when they were kids, how had he forgotten all of that so quickly?

‘Who knew you had a soft heart, Jerk?’ Sam stated, barely containing his laugh. Dean couldn’t help it, he laughed as well. It turned out that it was obviously infectious, because it ended ten minutes later when the door flew open, a very concerned Castiel looking down at where they both lay on the floor, tears rolling as they laughed.

‘Am I supposed to be concerned?’ He asked, which set both brothers off again, before Dean stood. He pulled his brother up, then turned to his boyfriend with a smile.

‘Nah, Cas, we’re good. Pancake time.’ He stated, looking behind him to see Sam nodding seriously. That was enough to have Dean biting his lip to prevent more laughter, and Castiel’s stern face wasn’t helping the situation.

‘Right, I’ll start cooking, you go and find the Imp and Prom-King.’ Dean said, looking at Sam, who looked amused at the nicknames. He didn’t argue, walking off towards the room that the Archangels spent most of their time in. Castiel watched him, then turned back to Dean.

‘Is everything okay?’ He asked, and Dean reminded himself to take Cas out at some point, it was about time they went on a proper date. If he was doing these chick-flic moments, he might as well try to be a better boyfriend as well.

‘You know what? I think everything’s good.’ Dean took his boyfriend’s hand, linking their fingers together, pressing a kiss to Castiel’s cheek. The Angel’s mouth quirked inquisitively, but he didn’t ask, allowing Dean to pull him to the kitchen to make pancakes.


	19. The Boy With Demon Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last Chapter. Enjoy!

Sam smiled, watching as Gabriel ran around the library with the stupid handle that Sam had found, muttering things about the blade he had lost. Lucifer looked just as amused, although Sam knew he kept looking at him. Not wanting to break the peace that had fallen since the Pancakes this morning, Sam didn’t dare bring up anything.

A hand rested on his hip, tugging him slightly, so that he stepped back against the Archangel. Lucifer stared at him, wondering if Sam would pull away, but the Hunter smiled. Resting his head against his shoulder, he allowed the Devil to hold him, not wanting to admit how peaceful it was. Lucifer chuckled lowly, pressing his lips to the top of Sam’s head, and the Winchester revelled in how cold his lips were against his skin.

The eyes were always what kept him grounded. The icy cold of the corrupted Devil had been replaced by the blue of the sea on a warm summer’s day, and Sam could get lost in those eyes. Realising he had been staring, and the Devil was now watching him, Sam broke the tension by leaning in. As expected, the lips were just as cold against his own, but they quickly warmed as the kiss progressed.

The hand on his hip slid to the small of his back, pressing him closer to Lucifer like Sam wasn’t a 6ft4 man who was taller than everyone in the Bunker. In fact, compared to Lucifer, he felt tiny. But he still melted into the embrace, and the kiss, tugging Lucifer impatiently by his hips. The Devil smiled against him, but didn’t break the kiss. Not until someone cleared their throats, the Trickster standing there with his hands on his hips, looking like someone had just stolen his favourite toy. Mind you, Sam probably had.

‘Am I interrupting something?’ Gabriel snapped, his foot tapping impatiently. Sam remembered the first time they had both flirted with him, Sam’s confusion quickly replaced when they explained that they both liked him, and so would both flirt with him. Taking a step away from Lucifer, although he missed the cold, he wrapped an arm around the smaller Archangel, dipping his head.

He was rewarded by Gabriel leaping up, legs wrapping around his torso like he’d been expecting Sam to kiss him. The Trickster was surprisingly light, although he allowed his eyes to focus on the wings when he pulled back from the kiss. Pretending to not be able to see them wouldn’t work anymore, and Sam focused on the three sets of Golden wings that fluttered happily when Sam placed Gabriel down onto the table, kissing him softly before pulling away.

Suddenly, he felt slightly awkward. One Hunter, who wasn’t exactly known for doing many things right, had just kissed two of the most powerful creatures in the universe. Lucifer rolled his eyes, apparently his face gave away more than he thought, and grabbed Sam’s hand. The world shifted, and they were in a bedroom that definitely wasn’t in the Bunker.

‘Relax, Sam. It isn’t what you think.’ Of course, Sam had been about to point out that he wasn’t ready to throw himself straight into a relationship with the two of them, at least not the physical side. Gabriel appeared a moment later, looking to Lucifer who grinned.

‘Think of it as bonding.’

 

Sam watched the two Angels, who both had a set of wings out. Sam had been asked to groom them, which he had done carefully. Lucifer’s had been simple, straightening white feathers and brushing fingers along the sensitive spots. When Luci shuddered, he made sure to be careful. Gabriel, however, was harder to work with. The Trickster had sat in his lap, wiggling every time Sam hit a feather that was sensitive, especially the underside of the wings. By the time he had finished, the Angel had been flushed a delicious shade of red, chest heaving as he fought for air he didn’t really need.

Sam had kissed him, slightly harsher than intended, and was rewarded with a moan. Then, feeling how quickly this situation was going to escalate, he had given one quick peck to Gabriel’s lips, then allowed the two Angels to bond. Watching them groom each-others wings was cute, Lucifer took care, while Gabriel tried to tug on the sensitive spots. Eventually, the two curled up on the bed, leaving a spot in the middle.

He’d done this when he was younger, and crawling between them, he felt the same. They were a lot older than he was, Sam was a tiny speck on their lifetime. He tried not to think about it, Lucifer wrapping an arm around his middle and tugging him back against him, Gabriel remained facing him, wrapping his limbs around Sam. Wings folded gently, warmth covering him, and he smiled softly. Maybe he could get used to this.

‘Sleep, Sam. I can here you thinking from here.’ Lucifer scolded gently, placing a kiss on his head. Gabriel chuckled, kissing Sam’s neck lazily, teeth grazing his pulse point. His heart jumped, unsure of whether to push closer or stop him. Turns out, he didn’t need to make the decision, Lucifer tugged Gabriel’s hair gently and the Archangel stopped.

‘Nighty night, Samalam.’ Gabriel stated, and Sam shut his eyes, resting.

**

_Sam stood, staring down at his bare feet. Blood, that was the stuff covering them. He shuddered, looking up to the face in front. Ruby stared back, a half-smile on her face, looking thoroughly amused by Sam’s fear. His arms were bleeding, he stood in the crappy motel room, the blood dribbling down his arms and soaking his trousers, and in turn, his feet. Bright, flowing red blood._

_‘Now, Sam. That’s a lie.’ Ruby stated, prowling towards him slowly like a cat, knowing she had the upper hand. Sam looked down, staring at his blood that now flowed black, bubbling up from the cuts. He wasn’t aware he was begging until Ruby chuckled, the words spilling out of his mouth as he stared at the cuts, stared at the Demon blood._

_‘Sam Winchester, the boy with Demon Blood.’ Ruby stated, a finger tracing his collarbone. Her nail dug in, splitting skin, and black oozed from the wound. She rose it to her lips, sucking off the blood, then took her nail to her own neck. He ignored the temptation, just like he had done so many times, but Ruby was nothing if not persistent._

_Her legs either side of his, Sam sitting on the bed as she pressed a blood-stained finger to his lips, promising reward that he didn’t really want. The blood, that was the temptation. Ruby just knew that she could control him so much better by taking everything. His shirt was gone, jeans being unbuckled as he stared at the black blood._

_‘Please… I don’t want this…’ He muttered, repeating it was her hands moved, as blood soaked his lips, tears spilling freely down his cheeks. He didn’t want this._

**

‘Easy, Sammich.’ Gabriel muttered, and Sam realised he was crying, which was bad enough, apart from the fact that he was also crying all over Gabriel. Lucifer’s hand tightened around his waist, soft mutterings in Enochian floating through his mind as Gabriel pressed kisses to his face where the tears still flowed, the love behind it so unlike Ruby.

When he fell asleep, Sam dreamt of nothing. He didn’t know that the two Archangels stayed up the entire night to ensure he stayed asleep, keeping watch of him until morning, when he finally woke. Sam would never know that the Archangels knew what the nightmare had been, that Sam had instinctively let his soul reach for them when he was in pain. They wouldn’t tell, not that morning when they littered him with kisses, not ever. It was his story to tell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue will be coming soon! Please comment :)


	20. Happiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An Epilogue :)

Sam wouldn’t call himself healed, but he would call himself healing. After many awkward conversations with Dean, they had come to the same page with how Sam used to cope, and the scars on his arms. The fact that God himself had stopped Sam, had brought him back, had made Dean cry more than once. The youngest Hunter had cried as well, allowed himself to be wrapped up by his brother and rest his head in his lap, calloused fingers running through his hair.

On bad nights, Dean would sing. Well, it was more a hum, but it was beautiful. Sam would be taken back to childhood, curled on Dean’s lap and listening to him sing to the monsters, keeping them away from Sam. Emerald eyes, the ones that hadn’t changed even through the years, were always the thing that made Sam feel safe.

Then there was Rowena. The Witch that had looked after him became his friend again, and he apologised for annoying her when younger. She just laughed, shook her head like it hadn’t bothered her at all, and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Mom had been more open with Sam recently as well, which was good. She didn’t ask a lot, just small questions that Sam could answer. He told her a bit about Jess and his time at Stanford, and found the memories weren’t as painful now that they knew the truth.

One night, after Chinese, Sam had found the courage to stalk his brother down. He knocked before entering his room, definitely not wanting to go in if Castiel was in there, he didn’t want to have to gouge his eyes out. When Dean answered, he found that Castiel was in the room, but sitting on the chair watching Netflix with Dean. On Sam’s laptop. Castiel excused himself before Sam could tell him not to worry, and Dean looked across.

‘Something wrong, Sammy?’ Sam hesitated, a little unsure, but sat down on the edge of the bed. This had been stupid, he thought, Dean wouldn’t really want to know. But, just as the panic-attack seemed to be creeping up on him, he found those emerald eyes staring at him.

‘Harry Dean Winchester, or Emily Mary Winchester. The baby.’ He blurted, and Dean smiled softly, patting the bed next to him. Sam hadn’t hesitated, curled up tightly next to Dean as his brother held him.

‘Pretty names, Sammy.’ He murmured, and Sam felt tears push at the corners of his eyes, but he agreed with his brother. Pretty names.

**

‘You want to what?’ Sam asked, staring at Gabriel like he was mad. The small Archangel bounced happily, struggling to contain his excitement. Sam had to admit, when Gabriel was like this, it was hard not to be excited as well.

‘Skinny dip! C’mon, I’m basically as old as the Earth and I’ve never been!’ Lucifer watched fondly from the side-lines, and when Sam looked across for support, the former-Devil just shrugged. Useful, Sam thought, before turning back to his boyfriend.

‘Fine, we’ll go skinny-dipping.’ Both looked surprised that he had agreed, but then again, how could Sam deny that smile anything?

**

Castiel and Dean sat on the Hood of Baby, sitting under the stars as they drunk beer. They were stubbornly ignoring the three people in the lake below, instead enjoying the cliff-top views.

‘This was worth the drive.’ Castiel commented, his hand linked with Dean’s. The elder Winchester nodded, looking up at the stars and counting them. In the past months, life in the Bunker had settled, the improvement visible with Sam. He put on the weight he’d lost, sleep came back and his skin returned to its normal state, rather than the dark bags under his eyes.

When they had told the two of them that Sam and his boyfriends had been going skinny-dipping, Dean couldn’t quite believe it. But then again, if this was Sam healing, then who was he to ever stop him?

‘If they hurt him, I’ll skin them alive, Archangel or not.’ Dean warned, and his boyfriend laughed slightly, blue eyes looking across.

‘If they hurt Sam, love, then I’ll be right there with you.’ Dean’s heart clenched, leaning in to kiss his boyfriend as a squeal rang out, undeniably the Imp, and Dean groaned.

‘Can we leave them here?’ He asked pleadingly, and his boyfriend nodded, pupils widening slightly. Oh, that look. Dean gulped, slid off Baby’s hood and went for the driver’s seat. Castiel slid beside him, and they left the three other Bunker-residents to make-out in the water below.

**

Sam laughed, sopping hair spread out behind him as he lay on the bank of the lake. The only light was the moon, which gave him enough visibility to see Gabriel trying to drown Lucifer. Sam chuckled again, chest heaving as he stared up at the night-sky. It was beautiful, he mused, realising it was the first time in a while he had been able to watch the sky and not worry about anything.

Hands crept up his thighs, which were bare, and Sam looked down to the Trickster with amusement. Admittedly, arousal flared as he looked into the golden-ringed eyes, but he bit it down. Although it had been a couple of months, Sam hadn’t been rushing things. Fear, he supposed, combined with the niggling doubt that he wasn’t quite good enough for them. When Gabriel skipped over his middle, coming up to kiss him on the lips, Sam wasn’t entirely sure why he was hesitating so much.

Lucifer was beside him, but Sam wasn’t entirely sure when he’d got there, just that he was now having a really hard time with the throbbing between his legs as Gabriel nipped, sucked and licked at the skin of Sam’s neck. Lucifer looked across, amusement in the blue eyes, before he leant in and kissed him. The younger Archangel whined, straddling Sam’s hips and pouting at his older brother like a petulant child. Sam was more concerned by where Gabriel was sitting, but Lucifer just looked amused.

‘Perhaps we should take this back to our room.’ He suggested, and Sam couldn’t nod quick enough, the Devil and Trickster both leaning in to press kisses to his jawline and neck as the world shifted around them. Happy, Sam thought, he relaxed back against his two boyfriends, a smile playing across his lips.


End file.
